I cancelled everything with my old website provider and officially only have my blog here. I am sad that I couldn't make it work, but happy to be getting a lot of money back.
I really wanted to get into blogging and try to do it professionally. I thought I had a unique idea and it is something I know a lot of people go through. But after the newness wore off it started to become a chore for me to update, and I think my writing suffered because of it. I know I am a talented writer, I have been told that by a variety of people. But this blog is not my best work, and I am disappointed in it. So rather then waste money on something that isn't going to help me make money, I am going to continue with it on a free site so I can continue to document my journey, but maybe without so much pressure I can work on my writing as well.
I have needed a creative outlet for a while, and since I am not ready to try to do anything with my acting, I need to do it with my writing. I have been working on a book for a while, and I think I finally have a clear vision. Finishing this book is something that is now very important to me. I wish I could afford to take a year or 6 months off work so that I could write, but I can't do that. So I am going to work on it whenever I can, whenever inspiration strikes.
When something happens that is disappointing in life, you have to find the courage to pick yourself back up and make the best of it. I am going to continue to stay positive about my blog even if it isn't what I wanted it to be, and put that energy into my book.
Maybe I'll make something out of that.
I know this has nothing to do with my weight loss journey, but its a journey all the same.
Friday, November 14, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
3 months post op
Well it feels good to have my blog back to it's old home. I decided it wasn't worth spending the money on a paid site for something that is now a hobby.
Things are going very well with my after-surgery life. I hit my three month mark on 11/6 and I have lost 40 lbs since my surgery, and 60 lbs since my heights weight. I am taking a spin class and Zumba, while also going to the gym. I have more energy, I feel better about myself, and I am much healthier. I no longer am on blood pressure meds or at risk of having to get a c-pap for sleep apnea. My feet and knees don't hurt as much, and I am wearing clothes that I haven't worn in 5 years.
I still eat too fast, which causes food to get stuck in my esophagus. I have to walk around and burp a lot to try and get it un-lodged and into my stomach. It's painful and I try to remember to chew chew chew. I have to take a lot of vitamins and taking them all together fills my stomach with a lot of water. I still am not eating sugar, rice or pasta. I do occasionally have a little bread, but not an entire sandwich or anything. I have had wine, and that seems to be fine. I won't be drinking hard liquor or beer for a while. The only thing that bothers me is when I drink too much milk.
Now that it's winter, I am freezing ALL the time. Mostly I feel it in my hands, even though they are the only things on my body that isn't smaller. I feel like I should be wearing gloves all the time.
I think the thing I love the most is how I feel about myself. I feel so much better about me, not just how I look, but my heath as well. I love how much I am improving in my spin class, every class I get stronger and have more endurance. I feel so great being able to work out without pain or feeling like its a wasted effort. I know for sure if I continue to eat well and exercise, I will be the weight I always wanted to be. I have never had that feeling better. I may actually wear a size 12, and be able to go hiking. My dream will come true. I've never been able to say that before and mean it.
Things are going very well with my after-surgery life. I hit my three month mark on 11/6 and I have lost 40 lbs since my surgery, and 60 lbs since my heights weight. I am taking a spin class and Zumba, while also going to the gym. I have more energy, I feel better about myself, and I am much healthier. I no longer am on blood pressure meds or at risk of having to get a c-pap for sleep apnea. My feet and knees don't hurt as much, and I am wearing clothes that I haven't worn in 5 years.
I still eat too fast, which causes food to get stuck in my esophagus. I have to walk around and burp a lot to try and get it un-lodged and into my stomach. It's painful and I try to remember to chew chew chew. I have to take a lot of vitamins and taking them all together fills my stomach with a lot of water. I still am not eating sugar, rice or pasta. I do occasionally have a little bread, but not an entire sandwich or anything. I have had wine, and that seems to be fine. I won't be drinking hard liquor or beer for a while. The only thing that bothers me is when I drink too much milk.
Now that it's winter, I am freezing ALL the time. Mostly I feel it in my hands, even though they are the only things on my body that isn't smaller. I feel like I should be wearing gloves all the time.
I think the thing I love the most is how I feel about myself. I feel so much better about me, not just how I look, but my heath as well. I love how much I am improving in my spin class, every class I get stronger and have more endurance. I feel so great being able to work out without pain or feeling like its a wasted effort. I know for sure if I continue to eat well and exercise, I will be the weight I always wanted to be. I have never had that feeling better. I may actually wear a size 12, and be able to go hiking. My dream will come true. I've never been able to say that before and mean it.
Friday, November 7, 2014
New/Old Blog
Well, after a lot of soul searching, I've decided to remove my blog from the paid site and brought it back to blogspot. I am not updating it as often as i'd like, and it turned into work rather then something I enjoyed.
Once upon a time I hoped to get my blog out there to start earning money from it. But I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to websites and technical things, so it just ends up frustrating me. I will continue my journey though this free blog for my own reference and for those who love me enough to read this.
Once upon a time I hoped to get my blog out there to start earning money from it. But I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to websites and technical things, so it just ends up frustrating me. I will continue my journey though this free blog for my own reference and for those who love me enough to read this.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Stallsville
Things are going very well since my surgery. I can eat pretty much anything, still staying away from bread, rice, pasta, sugar, and fibrous veggies. I usually eat a 1/2 cup of food per sitting, sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less. Nothing makes me sick except milk and eggs, I still am drinking lactate milk and doing fake eggs. I still have to catch myself from not chewing enough or taking bites that are too big, because they do get stuck. I haven’t gotten sick or had any bad reactions to anything in three or four weeks.
I am back at work and that’s going well too. Not having any coffee or caffeine only seems to bother me around 2pm, but I generally get a second wind quickly! I did start drinking a little bit of diet Snapple tea (PEACH! yumm) and it has a LITTLE caffeine in it, so it does boost me a little bit, but not enough to dehydrate me.
I have been stalled for about two weeks at a 28lb loss. I know this is normal, and everyone that has this surgery goes through a stall usually around this time, but I am frustrated. I have to keep remembering where I was, and where I am now. I have lost almost 50lbs from my highest weight in December. I haven’t measured myself (I really need to do that) but I know I have lost a lot of inches. I am almost two pant sizes down and I feel great. My energy is starting to come back, and I feel so much better. I am not as winded when I walk up the stairs, and I want to do more, which is my favorite part.
I promised side by side pictures, so I am going to post them now. Even though I haven’t hit my 30lb mark yet, I want to stay positive and remember where I came from!
I am really enjoying how good I feel, not just physically but emotionally charged up. I have never felt so good about myself in my entire life. I have moments where I felt good about myself- once in the summer between 8th and 9th grade when I lost a little weight (I was curvy instead of chubby), once when I came home after my first month at college and I had lost 20lbs (walking everywhere helps), once in the middle of college when I lost 35lbs and got into a size smaller, and now. That isn’t a lot of moments in a my life where I really felt beautiful. But I had a moment this past weekend, wearing the outfit in the picture.
(The first picture is the day before surgery, second is this past weekend)
I came home from work and I was wearing a pair of jeans that fit the week before, and now they were too big. I was able to pull them off without even unbuttoning them, and they were my “skinny” jeans. I was putting another pair if jeans on that fit better and my boyfriend said to me, “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight.” I have had a lot of people tell me I look great, I’ve lost weight. But that once sentence from the man I love, who see’s me EVERYDAY really able to notice, really made my week. I feel beautiful, sexy, and confidant. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. I can’t wait to see what I’ll look like in a month.
I am back at work and that’s going well too. Not having any coffee or caffeine only seems to bother me around 2pm, but I generally get a second wind quickly! I did start drinking a little bit of diet Snapple tea (PEACH! yumm) and it has a LITTLE caffeine in it, so it does boost me a little bit, but not enough to dehydrate me.
I have been stalled for about two weeks at a 28lb loss. I know this is normal, and everyone that has this surgery goes through a stall usually around this time, but I am frustrated. I have to keep remembering where I was, and where I am now. I have lost almost 50lbs from my highest weight in December. I haven’t measured myself (I really need to do that) but I know I have lost a lot of inches. I am almost two pant sizes down and I feel great. My energy is starting to come back, and I feel so much better. I am not as winded when I walk up the stairs, and I want to do more, which is my favorite part.
I promised side by side pictures, so I am going to post them now. Even though I haven’t hit my 30lb mark yet, I want to stay positive and remember where I came from!
I am really enjoying how good I feel, not just physically but emotionally charged up. I have never felt so good about myself in my entire life. I have moments where I felt good about myself- once in the summer between 8th and 9th grade when I lost a little weight (I was curvy instead of chubby), once when I came home after my first month at college and I had lost 20lbs (walking everywhere helps), once in the middle of college when I lost 35lbs and got into a size smaller, and now. That isn’t a lot of moments in a my life where I really felt beautiful. But I had a moment this past weekend, wearing the outfit in the picture.
(The first picture is the day before surgery, second is this past weekend)I came home from work and I was wearing a pair of jeans that fit the week before, and now they were too big. I was able to pull them off without even unbuttoning them, and they were my “skinny” jeans. I was putting another pair if jeans on that fit better and my boyfriend said to me, “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight.” I have had a lot of people tell me I look great, I’ve lost weight. But that once sentence from the man I love, who see’s me EVERYDAY really able to notice, really made my week. I feel beautiful, sexy, and confidant. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. I can’t wait to see what I’ll look like in a month.
Friday, September 5, 2014
More Nyquil please..
I’m sick.
My boyfriend, although I love him dearly, got me sick. Sore throat, cough, congestion, you name it. I haven’t been sick in a long time, and for those who know me, know I am a huge baby when it comes to being sick. The worse part, is I can’t take the medicine I am used to taking because of my surgery. I had to buy liquid tylenol cold, which taking that is almost as bad as being sick. I wish they would make cold medicine taste at least halfway decent. I still can’t sleep because my left incision is bothering me still so I can’t get comfortable. Nate is also sick so he is up most of the night coughing or snoring. So sleep This is not the way I wanted to spend my last week off work. I wanted to have some fun, see my friends, go through all the clothes I have and get rid of stuff. It isn’t really looking to good for me.
Monday I have my appointment with the surgeon, and if all goes well, I go back to work on Tuesday. I am excited to be able to go back to work, so have interaction with people again. As soon as I go back to work I will probably wish to have time off again. It’s a vicious cycle. I think if I were feeling better I would be enjoying my time off more. I mean, its not horrible, I can basically do what I want, but this fucking incision won’t heal correctly and it is really putting a hinder on my life. I can’t move around, I can’t sleep. I have a lot to do before I go back to work and I can’t while I’m in pain.
(Click the photos for recipies)
The good thing is I am eating well, getting all my protein and water in. Thanks to my WONDERFUL brother-in-law, I have a bunch of the best chili ever.So I’ve been eating the chili for lunch for a few days, and its been amazing. It tastes good and it gives me a ton of protein. I was also kind of bad and had a little piece of Nate’s homemade corn bread. It’s basically two things I’m not supposed to have for a few months (bread and corn), but it went down fine, and I didn’t have a bad reaction to it. Nate and I ordered chinese for the first time since my surgery. I got just got pain steamed chicken and chinese veggies with a brown sauce on the side. Since I wasn’t sure of the sugar content of the sauce, I didn’t use very much of it, and it all went down fairly well. It makes me happy that I will still be able to order out and have a normal life.
Lately I haven’t been able to eat in the morning, so I usually have a glass of milk for breakfast. For lunch I usually have leftovers, like today I had salmon with a Dijon mustard sauce, and green beans with italian cheese.
I made the salmon last night, and Nate LOVED it. I didn’t have honey dijon mustard, so I just used regular dijon and added some honey. I sauteed green beans in a little butter, and salt and pepper. Then I took some shredded italian cheese and melted it over the beans. Yum-o.
For dinner, I turned to my favorite TV cook, The Pioneer Woman.
The meat is super tender after it cooks for 3 hours on low. I also add potatoes and carrots at the end to make a full one pot meal. Then I make a gravy out of whatever is left in the pan. It is super DE-lish and perfect for me right now.
I will post more of my recipes!
So far, I have lost 28 pounds since my surgery, and 47 total.
Once I hit the 50 pound mark, I will post some before/after pictures!
My boyfriend, although I love him dearly, got me sick. Sore throat, cough, congestion, you name it. I haven’t been sick in a long time, and for those who know me, know I am a huge baby when it comes to being sick. The worse part, is I can’t take the medicine I am used to taking because of my surgery. I had to buy liquid tylenol cold, which taking that is almost as bad as being sick. I wish they would make cold medicine taste at least halfway decent. I still can’t sleep because my left incision is bothering me still so I can’t get comfortable. Nate is also sick so he is up most of the night coughing or snoring. So sleep This is not the way I wanted to spend my last week off work. I wanted to have some fun, see my friends, go through all the clothes I have and get rid of stuff. It isn’t really looking to good for me.
Monday I have my appointment with the surgeon, and if all goes well, I go back to work on Tuesday. I am excited to be able to go back to work, so have interaction with people again. As soon as I go back to work I will probably wish to have time off again. It’s a vicious cycle. I think if I were feeling better I would be enjoying my time off more. I mean, its not horrible, I can basically do what I want, but this fucking incision won’t heal correctly and it is really putting a hinder on my life. I can’t move around, I can’t sleep. I have a lot to do before I go back to work and I can’t while I’m in pain.
(Click the photos for recipies)The good thing is I am eating well, getting all my protein and water in. Thanks to my WONDERFUL brother-in-law, I have a bunch of the best chili ever.So I’ve been eating the chili for lunch for a few days, and its been amazing. It tastes good and it gives me a ton of protein. I was also kind of bad and had a little piece of Nate’s homemade corn bread. It’s basically two things I’m not supposed to have for a few months (bread and corn), but it went down fine, and I didn’t have a bad reaction to it. Nate and I ordered chinese for the first time since my surgery. I got just got pain steamed chicken and chinese veggies with a brown sauce on the side. Since I wasn’t sure of the sugar content of the sauce, I didn’t use very much of it, and it all went down fairly well. It makes me happy that I will still be able to order out and have a normal life.
Lately I haven’t been able to eat in the morning, so I usually have a glass of milk for breakfast. For lunch I usually have leftovers, like today I had salmon with a Dijon mustard sauce, and green beans with italian cheese.
I made the salmon last night, and Nate LOVED it. I didn’t have honey dijon mustard, so I just used regular dijon and added some honey. I sauteed green beans in a little butter, and salt and pepper. Then I took some shredded italian cheese and melted it over the beans. Yum-o.
For dinner, I turned to my favorite TV cook, The Pioneer Woman.
The meat is super tender after it cooks for 3 hours on low. I also add potatoes and carrots at the end to make a full one pot meal. Then I make a gravy out of whatever is left in the pan. It is super DE-lish and perfect for me right now.I will post more of my recipes!
So far, I have lost 28 pounds since my surgery, and 47 total.
Once I hit the 50 pound mark, I will post some before/after pictures!
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Sleep, drink, eat, then repeat
I really should be more on top of this blog. A lot of things have happened that I wanted to document, but honestly I am exhausted most days and I don’t want to do anything.
Thank God for my boyfriend who has helped me SO much since my surgery, and has done everything possible to make me happy. Look at the beautiful flowers he bought me!
Sleeping is a huge issue right now. I LOVE sleeping. I could sleep 10 hours a night and be totally happy. Nate says my super power is I can wake up in the morning and go back to sleep instantly. Not being able to get a full nights sleep is really starting to piss me off.
In the hospital, I could nap anytime, anyplace. I am not sure if it was from the medication or what, but I could just nod off in the middle of a conversation. Ever since I got home, no matter how tired I am, I can’t sleep. I haven’t had a full nights sleep without waking up since I got home from the hospital.
I slept in a recliner for the first few days since it was painful to fully lay down. Nate slept on the couch in the living room with me, because I couldn’t get out of the chair myself. My parents left the Sunday after my surgery, so I started sleeping in the bed most of the night when they left. I had to be propped up by pillows, and I only slept for a few hours there. I would wake up in the middle of the night, walk around, took more medicine, drank some water, then fall asleep in the chair. After about a week I was able to sleep in the bed all night, but I still wake up, and sometimes walk around.
It’s been better lately, and I’ve been able to sleep on my side and even on my stomach, which is a lot more comfortable for me. I think I’ve been sleeping better because I can finally sleep how I am used to sleeping. The only problem is a few days ago, my left stitch, the one I’ve had so much trouble with, opened a bit. Every time I go to sleep it opens again and I have to wash my sheets! I have to start wearing gauze to bed until it fully heals and doesn’t open anymore.
Food has been going well for the most part. In the beginning, I had a really hard time keeping anything down. Everything sounded really gross, and I was nauseous all the time. After having a conversation with my bariatric nurse, we figured out I wasn’t drinking enough water. I thought I was feeling sick because I wasn’t eating, so I would try to force myself to eat. But after realizing I was dehydrated, I worked on getting water in. I have to take small sips, and not drink too fast. I have to stop a half hour before I want to eat, then wait a half hour after I eat. I have tried almost everything on my list of foods I can have for the next 3 or 4 months, and its all gone down pretty well.
I went from the pureed stage right to the last stage, and bypassed the soft food stage. Things were going down so well, I just made sure that I chewed and chewed. I felt that I knew my body and I didn’t need to continue to the third stage. I’ve had ground beef, chicken, fish, shrimp and cheese that all goes down really well. I am still having a hard time with regular milk, yogurt sometimes and real eggs.
I am working hard to try to get 60 grams of protein in a day, which is hard when you can only eat 1/4 of a cup to a 1/2 a cup of food at each meal. I also need to try to get 64oz of liquid in a day, and I don’t count my protein drinks in this. I mostly drink water and diluted juice, and am pretty successful there.
For example, For breakfast today I had egg salad (It seems to be the only way I can have real eggs without it bothering me), for lunch I’ll have white chicken chili, and for dinner probably a greek burger (no bun or anything though.)
1 egg = 7g
white chicken chili= 12g
protein shake = 17g
Greek burger (with feta and yogurt sauce) = 28g
That’s 64 grams of protein. If I can get all that in today, plus another 40oz of water, I will be good to go
I will try to be better about updating the blog! I will post a few pictures next week if I finally get to the 25lb mark
Thank God for my boyfriend who has helped me SO much since my surgery, and has done everything possible to make me happy. Look at the beautiful flowers he bought me!
Sleeping is a huge issue right now. I LOVE sleeping. I could sleep 10 hours a night and be totally happy. Nate says my super power is I can wake up in the morning and go back to sleep instantly. Not being able to get a full nights sleep is really starting to piss me off.
In the hospital, I could nap anytime, anyplace. I am not sure if it was from the medication or what, but I could just nod off in the middle of a conversation. Ever since I got home, no matter how tired I am, I can’t sleep. I haven’t had a full nights sleep without waking up since I got home from the hospital.
I slept in a recliner for the first few days since it was painful to fully lay down. Nate slept on the couch in the living room with me, because I couldn’t get out of the chair myself. My parents left the Sunday after my surgery, so I started sleeping in the bed most of the night when they left. I had to be propped up by pillows, and I only slept for a few hours there. I would wake up in the middle of the night, walk around, took more medicine, drank some water, then fall asleep in the chair. After about a week I was able to sleep in the bed all night, but I still wake up, and sometimes walk around.
It’s been better lately, and I’ve been able to sleep on my side and even on my stomach, which is a lot more comfortable for me. I think I’ve been sleeping better because I can finally sleep how I am used to sleeping. The only problem is a few days ago, my left stitch, the one I’ve had so much trouble with, opened a bit. Every time I go to sleep it opens again and I have to wash my sheets! I have to start wearing gauze to bed until it fully heals and doesn’t open anymore.
Food has been going well for the most part. In the beginning, I had a really hard time keeping anything down. Everything sounded really gross, and I was nauseous all the time. After having a conversation with my bariatric nurse, we figured out I wasn’t drinking enough water. I thought I was feeling sick because I wasn’t eating, so I would try to force myself to eat. But after realizing I was dehydrated, I worked on getting water in. I have to take small sips, and not drink too fast. I have to stop a half hour before I want to eat, then wait a half hour after I eat. I have tried almost everything on my list of foods I can have for the next 3 or 4 months, and its all gone down pretty well.
I went from the pureed stage right to the last stage, and bypassed the soft food stage. Things were going down so well, I just made sure that I chewed and chewed. I felt that I knew my body and I didn’t need to continue to the third stage. I’ve had ground beef, chicken, fish, shrimp and cheese that all goes down really well. I am still having a hard time with regular milk, yogurt sometimes and real eggs.
I am working hard to try to get 60 grams of protein in a day, which is hard when you can only eat 1/4 of a cup to a 1/2 a cup of food at each meal. I also need to try to get 64oz of liquid in a day, and I don’t count my protein drinks in this. I mostly drink water and diluted juice, and am pretty successful there.
For example, For breakfast today I had egg salad (It seems to be the only way I can have real eggs without it bothering me), for lunch I’ll have white chicken chili, and for dinner probably a greek burger (no bun or anything though.)
1 egg = 7g
white chicken chili= 12g
protein shake = 17g
Greek burger (with feta and yogurt sauce) = 28g
That’s 64 grams of protein. If I can get all that in today, plus another 40oz of water, I will be good to go
I will try to be better about updating the blog! I will post a few pictures next week if I finally get to the 25lb mark
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Personal Wins
So it’s been two weeks since my surgery. I will have another post about the rest of the two weeks another day. But today I had to write about today.
On Monday I had my “One Week” visit with the PA Tyler. As some of you know, the main things I have been dealing with since my surgery is pain and nausea. Recently, I have had pain in one of my incision sites. It hurts to basically do anything! Sit, stand, walk, bender over. I told him about the pain, and about how the pain medicine I am on (Hydrocodone) doesn’t really do anything to help. He said that this incision is the one they do most everything out of, and it is deep in the muscle where the nerves are, so that’s why its so painful. He gave me some pain patches, and some another pain medicine for a few days. He also took my drain out!! For those who don’t know what this is, I had to have plastic tubing coming out of the right side of my stomach, and it went to this little egg type thing. It drained fluid to prevent infection. It was annoying, gross, and caused a lot of discomfort. Having it taken out was like having a painful tapeworm being pulled from my stomach. I am so overjoyed to have this thing out you have no idea.
After my doctor appointment I went shopping with my mother-in-law, and just from everything that day I really over-did it. I was in a lot of pain the rest of Monday and on Tuesday I was very sore. I decided to take it easy on Tuesday because I had a lot to do today.
This morning I woke up and wasn’t experiencing a lot of pain. I walked around my apartment waiting for more to come, but it didn’t. I relaxed for a little while, made myself some eggs and cheese (YUM BTW, best thing I’ve eaten so far) and started getting ready. I was really starting to feel myself! I could sit and stand, bend over, shower, and get ready without a ton of pain. I would feel a few twinges here and there, but nothing from what I had been experiencing. It made me feel so positive and good to be able to be up and about, and not stuck in the recliner I’ve been in since the surgery. I went to the store and went shopping! I didn’t say out too long, I didn’t want to overdue, and I have things I have to do tomorrow as well. But it’s a really amazing feeling.
It has been a day of wins. I had two meals that didn’t make me sick at all. I weighed myself and I’ve lost 21 lbs since my surgery two weeks ago. I don’t have a ton of pain, and I drove for the first time since my surgery.
I am having such a wonderful day, and it isn’t even over yet!!
On Monday I had my “One Week” visit with the PA Tyler. As some of you know, the main things I have been dealing with since my surgery is pain and nausea. Recently, I have had pain in one of my incision sites. It hurts to basically do anything! Sit, stand, walk, bender over. I told him about the pain, and about how the pain medicine I am on (Hydrocodone) doesn’t really do anything to help. He said that this incision is the one they do most everything out of, and it is deep in the muscle where the nerves are, so that’s why its so painful. He gave me some pain patches, and some another pain medicine for a few days. He also took my drain out!! For those who don’t know what this is, I had to have plastic tubing coming out of the right side of my stomach, and it went to this little egg type thing. It drained fluid to prevent infection. It was annoying, gross, and caused a lot of discomfort. Having it taken out was like having a painful tapeworm being pulled from my stomach. I am so overjoyed to have this thing out you have no idea.
After my doctor appointment I went shopping with my mother-in-law, and just from everything that day I really over-did it. I was in a lot of pain the rest of Monday and on Tuesday I was very sore. I decided to take it easy on Tuesday because I had a lot to do today.
This morning I woke up and wasn’t experiencing a lot of pain. I walked around my apartment waiting for more to come, but it didn’t. I relaxed for a little while, made myself some eggs and cheese (YUM BTW, best thing I’ve eaten so far) and started getting ready. I was really starting to feel myself! I could sit and stand, bend over, shower, and get ready without a ton of pain. I would feel a few twinges here and there, but nothing from what I had been experiencing. It made me feel so positive and good to be able to be up and about, and not stuck in the recliner I’ve been in since the surgery. I went to the store and went shopping! I didn’t say out too long, I didn’t want to overdue, and I have things I have to do tomorrow as well. But it’s a really amazing feeling.
It has been a day of wins. I had two meals that didn’t make me sick at all. I weighed myself and I’ve lost 21 lbs since my surgery two weeks ago. I don’t have a ton of pain, and I drove for the first time since my surgery.
I am having such a wonderful day, and it isn’t even over yet!!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Days following
Sorry I haven’t been updated. I never realized how hard it was to do ANYTHING after having this surgery.
The night after my surgery I didn’t get much sleep. Nate slept next to me all night, which I was so grateful for. The nurse or tech would wake me up to get my vitals or to give me a medication, and he would be up there helping me get comfortable after they came. At midnight, our neighbors got a visitor of some-sort, and they were talking at the top of their voices. They had no regard to the two people also trying to sleep in the room. I was so annoyed and pissed off. I shushed them a few times after they wouldn’t shut up, and they finally quieted down.
But I still didn’t get a lot of sleep at all. Finally after my 2am check, the nurse told me she was going to let me sleep for a few hours, and she’d wake me up to walk around 4:30 or 5 to walk. As soon as I got to sleep though, my IV machine kept going off. There were bubbles in my IV and this loud alarm would sound. I would have to call the nurse to fix it every time. It happened probably a dozen times an hour. When she would, I would get this surge of medication and saline though my IV that made it burn and it was really painful. My IV was still in my hand at this point, and even though I continued to tell her it was bothering me, no one did anything about it. This went on until 4am, so I decided to just get up and walk.
After I slept a little while longer, Nate had to go to work. I was still in a lot of pain, and I was not ready for him to leave. I couldn’t breath very well still and it was hard for me to get out of bed. I was starting to feel sick so they started given me additional pain meds and anti-nausea meds as well. I went for a walk in the morning, then was told I had to go have an upper GI that morning to make sure there were no leaks. The nurse helping me get there wasn’t very nice to me, and didn’t have any sympathy for me whatsoever to the fact that I was in a lot of pain.
This upper GI was a little different then the one I had before. I only had to stand to get the x-ray done, which is good that I didn’t have to move a lot. But the whole time the nurse kept yelling at me to breath. My oxygen levels were low and my heart rate was high, and she was trying to help ,but the way she was going about it was too harsh and rude for me to handle. I finally broke and yelled at her, crying as well, that I was in a lot of pain, that I knew my oxygen level was low but yelling at me wasn’t going to do anything about it. That shut her up.
So before when I had to get my upper GI, it was very thick and chalky, and it was more of the consistency that bothered me, rather than the taste. This one was so much worse. It tasted like cough syrup and dish soap mixed. I thought I was going to throw up all over the x-ray tech. Since I couldn’t drink very much, it took a long time for it to get to where they needed it to be to get the x-ray they needed. Keep in mind, I haven’t had ANYTHING to drink at all since two days before. The only thing I get were little sponges of water to suck on. So I hand to stand at the x-ray machine for a long time. It was very hot in that room, and I was fading pretty quickly. I was relieved when they told me I was done and could go back to my room.
The day didn’t seem to wind down there. After my upper GI fiasco, I had several people in an out of my room. I finally got my IV changed, my catheter out, and some more medication. My tech helped me clean up in the bathroom, because there is something about hospitals that make you smell. So I was clean, feeling good, and sitting upright in my chair. I was sore from all the activity, but was finally able to drink water! HALLELUJAH!!! The clouds parted and the angels sang when they told me that. I was finally able to take a nice nap in the sleep chair for a while.
My parents came later in the afternoon, and Nate after that. I was actually expecting my parents to be there earlier that day, and really could have used them. But they had a nice relaxing morning and I couldn’t fault them for wanting that, after all they spent their day in the hospital the day before.
They stayed a few hours, and were able to be there to see me start other liquids. I was able to eat a little Italian ice, but everything else they gave me was gross, including the broth. So I mostly stuck with water. My parents had to get going to meet my in-laws for dinner. Nate stayed pretty late, and I was exhausted even with the nap I had earlier that day. I finally convinced Nate to go home and get a good night sleep, and I went to sleep early.
More later
The night after my surgery I didn’t get much sleep. Nate slept next to me all night, which I was so grateful for. The nurse or tech would wake me up to get my vitals or to give me a medication, and he would be up there helping me get comfortable after they came. At midnight, our neighbors got a visitor of some-sort, and they were talking at the top of their voices. They had no regard to the two people also trying to sleep in the room. I was so annoyed and pissed off. I shushed them a few times after they wouldn’t shut up, and they finally quieted down.
But I still didn’t get a lot of sleep at all. Finally after my 2am check, the nurse told me she was going to let me sleep for a few hours, and she’d wake me up to walk around 4:30 or 5 to walk. As soon as I got to sleep though, my IV machine kept going off. There were bubbles in my IV and this loud alarm would sound. I would have to call the nurse to fix it every time. It happened probably a dozen times an hour. When she would, I would get this surge of medication and saline though my IV that made it burn and it was really painful. My IV was still in my hand at this point, and even though I continued to tell her it was bothering me, no one did anything about it. This went on until 4am, so I decided to just get up and walk.
After I slept a little while longer, Nate had to go to work. I was still in a lot of pain, and I was not ready for him to leave. I couldn’t breath very well still and it was hard for me to get out of bed. I was starting to feel sick so they started given me additional pain meds and anti-nausea meds as well. I went for a walk in the morning, then was told I had to go have an upper GI that morning to make sure there were no leaks. The nurse helping me get there wasn’t very nice to me, and didn’t have any sympathy for me whatsoever to the fact that I was in a lot of pain.
This upper GI was a little different then the one I had before. I only had to stand to get the x-ray done, which is good that I didn’t have to move a lot. But the whole time the nurse kept yelling at me to breath. My oxygen levels were low and my heart rate was high, and she was trying to help ,but the way she was going about it was too harsh and rude for me to handle. I finally broke and yelled at her, crying as well, that I was in a lot of pain, that I knew my oxygen level was low but yelling at me wasn’t going to do anything about it. That shut her up.
So before when I had to get my upper GI, it was very thick and chalky, and it was more of the consistency that bothered me, rather than the taste. This one was so much worse. It tasted like cough syrup and dish soap mixed. I thought I was going to throw up all over the x-ray tech. Since I couldn’t drink very much, it took a long time for it to get to where they needed it to be to get the x-ray they needed. Keep in mind, I haven’t had ANYTHING to drink at all since two days before. The only thing I get were little sponges of water to suck on. So I hand to stand at the x-ray machine for a long time. It was very hot in that room, and I was fading pretty quickly. I was relieved when they told me I was done and could go back to my room.
The day didn’t seem to wind down there. After my upper GI fiasco, I had several people in an out of my room. I finally got my IV changed, my catheter out, and some more medication. My tech helped me clean up in the bathroom, because there is something about hospitals that make you smell. So I was clean, feeling good, and sitting upright in my chair. I was sore from all the activity, but was finally able to drink water! HALLELUJAH!!! The clouds parted and the angels sang when they told me that. I was finally able to take a nice nap in the sleep chair for a while.
My parents came later in the afternoon, and Nate after that. I was actually expecting my parents to be there earlier that day, and really could have used them. But they had a nice relaxing morning and I couldn’t fault them for wanting that, after all they spent their day in the hospital the day before.
They stayed a few hours, and were able to be there to see me start other liquids. I was able to eat a little Italian ice, but everything else they gave me was gross, including the broth. So I mostly stuck with water. My parents had to get going to meet my in-laws for dinner. Nate stayed pretty late, and I was exhausted even with the nap I had earlier that day. I finally convinced Nate to go home and get a good night sleep, and I went to sleep early.
More later
Friday, August 15, 2014
The Surgery
Well I did it. I finally had my surgery.
We got to the hospital a little late. We were supposed to arrive at 5:45 but ended up getting there closer to 6. I was weirdly calm. Normally before something big, I am a nervous wreck. I had some nerves, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. I was either in shock or I had finally accepted everything. I am not sure which. The whole ride to the hospital I was expecting the butterflies and feeling sick or anxious. I just.. didn’t get them.
My Mom, Dad, Nate and I were not in the waiting room very long when I was called to go back to my pre-op station. I had a bed behind a curtain. I was only allowed to take one person at a time, so I took Nate first. I got undressed and got into my gown, and then the parade started. I got to see three different nurses, my Anesthesia doctor, my Surgeon, his PA Tyler, and then finally my Anesthesia nurse who would be with me the whole time.
Nate was with me the whole time, the nurses making us laugh, taking whatever nerves we had left away with them. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard in a hospital. They had a really hard time getting the IV in, I have really deep set veins. They had to bring a machine that shined a red light on my skin, and it showed my veins to the nurse so she could put in my IV. It was really cool. The Anesthesiologist even started playing around with it on me because she had never seen it before.
They put the IV in my left hand, and it wasn’t very comfortable at all. I am left handed for one, and it really stung feeling the medicine going through it. I had asked them if they could move it after surgery while I was still out, but they forgot I think.
After my IV was in, my parents were able to come back and we all spent a little time together. They got to be there when my Surgeon came in and the Anesthesiologist nurse came to give me meds and take me to the operating room. I remember feeling odd when I was being rolled into the room, everything started to blur and spin. We got into the operating room, I saw the big round lights and all the nurses prepping everything around me. They put me into position and started strapping my arms down off to the side. I think they must have given me the good stuff at this point, because it was hard to keep my eyes open. The nurse finally told me to turn off my brain and have a good nap. So I did.
Surgery lasted a little less then three hours. My boyfriend didn’t want to leave the waiting room. I think he was more anxious about all this then I was. Maybe that is why I was so calm, because he needed me to be.
The next thing I can remember is pain, and not being able to breath. Every breath was agony, and I could hear someone telling me to take a deep breath. I kept telling them I couldn’t, that I hurt. I just continued to take short staggered breaths as this nurse continued to yell at me to breath. I finally told her to stop yelling at me and that I couldn’t. I begged her to give me something for the pain. They told me they had already, twice. I think I vaguely remember her talking to my surgeon, but I don’t really know. Everything seemed like a dream for a while after I woke up.
I am pretty sure I didn’t open my eyes this whole time. Next thing I knew it was quiet and my family was in the room with me. There was a woman in the room too yelling about how the hospital was trying to kill her. This continued for a while. My father, who did not want me to be dealing with that, got me moved to another room, 2208. For those who know me, know what a fanatic I am about numbers. This is probably one of the best room numbers I could ever ask for. I knew it was a sign that everything would be fine, and I would be okay. But I was still in pain, and having a hard time breathing. I was cramping in my stomach and my back and rear were in a lot of pain due to the duration I was laying on them.
While in the first room, basically all I did was ask for pain medication. My parents tracked down a nurse to finally hook up the morphine drip, where I had a button I could give it to myself. Now I thought this was the kind that you could keep pressing and pressing. This one I could only do every 6 minutes. Needless today, I kept my eyes on the clock.
The rest of the day was pretty painful. After only a few hours after my surgery, they wanted me to start walking. Mind you, I am connected to a heart monitor, breathing machine, IV, and a catheter. The tech that was helping me, Stacy, was amazing. As you can imagine, after having surgery on your stomach, it can be painful to do just about anything, but trying to get out of bed is next to impossible. Stacy gave me a bit bear hug and lifted me out of the bed. She helped make sure my gown was covering me, and that I was steady before walking. She basically kept her arm around me the whole time. My Dad was so thankful that she was there, he gave her a hug too.
I didn’t walk very far, I got down to half way down the hallway. I kept getting cramps in my stomach, it felt like charlie-horses. My back was also in a lot of pain, trying to hold the rest of my body up because my core couldn’t. The pain medicine still wasn’t working very well, and I hadn’t had anything to drink since midnight the night before, just enough to wet my mouth. I was weak, tired, in pain, and starting to feel a little nauseous. They made me walk a few more times that night, each time getting easier and easier.
My parents stayed for the whole day, I basically had to kick them out. They were so helpful, tracking down nurses or anyone to help me with anything. They encouraged me to walk, as that was the best way to heal. Through all the confusion and headache, they were there to make sure I was being cared for properly, and I couldn’t have done this without them.
The second tech of the night was not as good as Stacy. He was a little asian boy who didn’t help me out of bed, and barely knew what he was doing. Thank God Nate stayed the night with me that night, or I wouldn’t have been able to walk at all. Actually, if he didn’t stay the night, I don’t think I would have been comfortable, and may have fallen several times. My boyfriend, all 6’5 of him, slept in a tiny sleep chair all curled up, so uncomfortable. He woke up every time I moved, and got up just to help me.
Through this day, I learned a lot. I learned I do not have a high tolerance for pain, that I never want to do this surgery ever again, and that I couldn’t have done this without my parents and Nate.
I will tell everyone more about my experience, but this is it for now.
We got to the hospital a little late. We were supposed to arrive at 5:45 but ended up getting there closer to 6. I was weirdly calm. Normally before something big, I am a nervous wreck. I had some nerves, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. I was either in shock or I had finally accepted everything. I am not sure which. The whole ride to the hospital I was expecting the butterflies and feeling sick or anxious. I just.. didn’t get them.
My Mom, Dad, Nate and I were not in the waiting room very long when I was called to go back to my pre-op station. I had a bed behind a curtain. I was only allowed to take one person at a time, so I took Nate first. I got undressed and got into my gown, and then the parade started. I got to see three different nurses, my Anesthesia doctor, my Surgeon, his PA Tyler, and then finally my Anesthesia nurse who would be with me the whole time.
Nate was with me the whole time, the nurses making us laugh, taking whatever nerves we had left away with them. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard in a hospital. They had a really hard time getting the IV in, I have really deep set veins. They had to bring a machine that shined a red light on my skin, and it showed my veins to the nurse so she could put in my IV. It was really cool. The Anesthesiologist even started playing around with it on me because she had never seen it before.
They put the IV in my left hand, and it wasn’t very comfortable at all. I am left handed for one, and it really stung feeling the medicine going through it. I had asked them if they could move it after surgery while I was still out, but they forgot I think.
After my IV was in, my parents were able to come back and we all spent a little time together. They got to be there when my Surgeon came in and the Anesthesiologist nurse came to give me meds and take me to the operating room. I remember feeling odd when I was being rolled into the room, everything started to blur and spin. We got into the operating room, I saw the big round lights and all the nurses prepping everything around me. They put me into position and started strapping my arms down off to the side. I think they must have given me the good stuff at this point, because it was hard to keep my eyes open. The nurse finally told me to turn off my brain and have a good nap. So I did.
Surgery lasted a little less then three hours. My boyfriend didn’t want to leave the waiting room. I think he was more anxious about all this then I was. Maybe that is why I was so calm, because he needed me to be.
The next thing I can remember is pain, and not being able to breath. Every breath was agony, and I could hear someone telling me to take a deep breath. I kept telling them I couldn’t, that I hurt. I just continued to take short staggered breaths as this nurse continued to yell at me to breath. I finally told her to stop yelling at me and that I couldn’t. I begged her to give me something for the pain. They told me they had already, twice. I think I vaguely remember her talking to my surgeon, but I don’t really know. Everything seemed like a dream for a while after I woke up.
I am pretty sure I didn’t open my eyes this whole time. Next thing I knew it was quiet and my family was in the room with me. There was a woman in the room too yelling about how the hospital was trying to kill her. This continued for a while. My father, who did not want me to be dealing with that, got me moved to another room, 2208. For those who know me, know what a fanatic I am about numbers. This is probably one of the best room numbers I could ever ask for. I knew it was a sign that everything would be fine, and I would be okay. But I was still in pain, and having a hard time breathing. I was cramping in my stomach and my back and rear were in a lot of pain due to the duration I was laying on them.
While in the first room, basically all I did was ask for pain medication. My parents tracked down a nurse to finally hook up the morphine drip, where I had a button I could give it to myself. Now I thought this was the kind that you could keep pressing and pressing. This one I could only do every 6 minutes. Needless today, I kept my eyes on the clock.
The rest of the day was pretty painful. After only a few hours after my surgery, they wanted me to start walking. Mind you, I am connected to a heart monitor, breathing machine, IV, and a catheter. The tech that was helping me, Stacy, was amazing. As you can imagine, after having surgery on your stomach, it can be painful to do just about anything, but trying to get out of bed is next to impossible. Stacy gave me a bit bear hug and lifted me out of the bed. She helped make sure my gown was covering me, and that I was steady before walking. She basically kept her arm around me the whole time. My Dad was so thankful that she was there, he gave her a hug too.
I didn’t walk very far, I got down to half way down the hallway. I kept getting cramps in my stomach, it felt like charlie-horses. My back was also in a lot of pain, trying to hold the rest of my body up because my core couldn’t. The pain medicine still wasn’t working very well, and I hadn’t had anything to drink since midnight the night before, just enough to wet my mouth. I was weak, tired, in pain, and starting to feel a little nauseous. They made me walk a few more times that night, each time getting easier and easier.
My parents stayed for the whole day, I basically had to kick them out. They were so helpful, tracking down nurses or anyone to help me with anything. They encouraged me to walk, as that was the best way to heal. Through all the confusion and headache, they were there to make sure I was being cared for properly, and I couldn’t have done this without them.
The second tech of the night was not as good as Stacy. He was a little asian boy who didn’t help me out of bed, and barely knew what he was doing. Thank God Nate stayed the night with me that night, or I wouldn’t have been able to walk at all. Actually, if he didn’t stay the night, I don’t think I would have been comfortable, and may have fallen several times. My boyfriend, all 6’5 of him, slept in a tiny sleep chair all curled up, so uncomfortable. He woke up every time I moved, and got up just to help me.
Through this day, I learned a lot. I learned I do not have a high tolerance for pain, that I never want to do this surgery ever again, and that I couldn’t have done this without my parents and Nate.
I will tell everyone more about my experience, but this is it for now.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
How ARE you?
Friday I was asked this question a lot. I just wasn’t sure how to answer it.
As my surgery got closer I began to get anxious, then excited, then nervous, then down right scared, then almost calm. Now, I am really not sure how I feel. I think I may be all of these things rolled into its own little ball of emotion that could burst at any point. Today was the first day I woke up with butterflies in my stomach.
It’s my last day of work until September, but since most people don’t work on Saturdays I was saying “See Ya Later” to all my friends at work on Friday. I realized that day I have so many friends supporting me with this surgery. I think that maybe that is another emotion I am having, the overwhelming love and support from everyone. Even people I haven’t spoken to in years are reading my blog, and sending me words of encouragement. It is really amazing and wonderful, there isn’t really a good way to describe it.
Going through something like this, you don’t really expect that. There is a lot of controversy surrounding this surgery, which I’ve addressed a lot in here. Many people thing this surgery is laziness, or gluttony. For some people it could be those things. All I can say it what is it for me, and it just amazes me that the people who really support me say it loud and proud, and for those who don’t have kept quiet. Honestly, I really appreciate both the support, and the quietness of those who don’t. The last thing I need so close to my date is negativity rearing its ugly head into my already unstable brain. I think the only reason I have gotten this far without going bat shit crazy is all my friends and family being there for me.
I am so grateful and I feel so blessed that I have such wonderful people in my life to keep me positive and sane. The past 6 months have been a struggle, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am ready for the next stage of my life.
So to all of you, Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You all have been apart of this journey, and I cannot even begin express my gratitude toward all of you.
As my surgery got closer I began to get anxious, then excited, then nervous, then down right scared, then almost calm. Now, I am really not sure how I feel. I think I may be all of these things rolled into its own little ball of emotion that could burst at any point. Today was the first day I woke up with butterflies in my stomach.
It’s my last day of work until September, but since most people don’t work on Saturdays I was saying “See Ya Later” to all my friends at work on Friday. I realized that day I have so many friends supporting me with this surgery. I think that maybe that is another emotion I am having, the overwhelming love and support from everyone. Even people I haven’t spoken to in years are reading my blog, and sending me words of encouragement. It is really amazing and wonderful, there isn’t really a good way to describe it.
Going through something like this, you don’t really expect that. There is a lot of controversy surrounding this surgery, which I’ve addressed a lot in here. Many people thing this surgery is laziness, or gluttony. For some people it could be those things. All I can say it what is it for me, and it just amazes me that the people who really support me say it loud and proud, and for those who don’t have kept quiet. Honestly, I really appreciate both the support, and the quietness of those who don’t. The last thing I need so close to my date is negativity rearing its ugly head into my already unstable brain. I think the only reason I have gotten this far without going bat shit crazy is all my friends and family being there for me.
I am so grateful and I feel so blessed that I have such wonderful people in my life to keep me positive and sane. The past 6 months have been a struggle, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am ready for the next stage of my life.
So to all of you, Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You all have been apart of this journey, and I cannot even begin express my gratitude toward all of you.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
2 Weeks!
Tomorrow marks two weeks until my surgery.
Right now I am in the process of getting everything ready. I am making lists upon lists of things I need to do at home, buy for after surgery, and pack for my stay at the hospital. I bought my protein powder, I have a plan for my supplements, I have a list of items to buy for the first few weeks I am out. Not to mention trying to get my house in order. I want to make sure it is as clean as it can get so I don’t have to do much in the first few weeks. Nate and I finally cleaned our garage out and I am getting all of my skinny clothes ready to wear again! But I am FAR from ready.
I am also trying to split my time into trying to get as much overtime as possible since I’ll be getting sick pay for a month and no overtime. But I also need to be home to take care of the things I need to do there. I can’t get a day off from work at all because we are so busy. So I basically only have 3 full days to get done what I need to get done. I need at least a week.
So I am feeling a lot of anxiety because of all this. I am still not sleeping well, and I am now having some bad dreams.
Last night I had a dream I didn’t wake up from anesthesia. I could see my parents and my boyfriend when they were telling them, and how upset and lost they looked. When I woke up I was pretty upset and shaken up. I was talking to my friend Meaghan about it, and she basically said to me that God has a plan for me, and that plan is not to go through all this only to die. And if it’s my time to go, it doesn’t matter what I am doing that day, it will happen regardless.
I sat at my desk and thought about that for a while. I decided what I had to do; I had to give my worry to God. I need to put this in His hands and take this worry from me. Think of it as a “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment. I took a few deep breaths and I prayed right there.
I pray to God- not as much as I used to, but I still do. I believe in Him, even if I have a question of faith every once in a while. The only constant I have, and the one thing that I truly believe is that there is a God, and He hears us. This isn’t a post about religion or anything controversial. But I feel a lot better after I gave it to him. I still have anxiety about it. I mean- I am about to change my entire life! Everyone is going to have a little anxiety about it. But I just need to figure out how to not have it affect my life.
I am trying to stay positive about everything, and trying to remember that this is a GOOD thing. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed by everything going on in the next two weeks. So if you believe, pray for my sanity!
Right now I am in the process of getting everything ready. I am making lists upon lists of things I need to do at home, buy for after surgery, and pack for my stay at the hospital. I bought my protein powder, I have a plan for my supplements, I have a list of items to buy for the first few weeks I am out. Not to mention trying to get my house in order. I want to make sure it is as clean as it can get so I don’t have to do much in the first few weeks. Nate and I finally cleaned our garage out and I am getting all of my skinny clothes ready to wear again! But I am FAR from ready.
I am also trying to split my time into trying to get as much overtime as possible since I’ll be getting sick pay for a month and no overtime. But I also need to be home to take care of the things I need to do there. I can’t get a day off from work at all because we are so busy. So I basically only have 3 full days to get done what I need to get done. I need at least a week.
So I am feeling a lot of anxiety because of all this. I am still not sleeping well, and I am now having some bad dreams.
Last night I had a dream I didn’t wake up from anesthesia. I could see my parents and my boyfriend when they were telling them, and how upset and lost they looked. When I woke up I was pretty upset and shaken up. I was talking to my friend Meaghan about it, and she basically said to me that God has a plan for me, and that plan is not to go through all this only to die. And if it’s my time to go, it doesn’t matter what I am doing that day, it will happen regardless.
I sat at my desk and thought about that for a while. I decided what I had to do; I had to give my worry to God. I need to put this in His hands and take this worry from me. Think of it as a “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment. I took a few deep breaths and I prayed right there.
I pray to God- not as much as I used to, but I still do. I believe in Him, even if I have a question of faith every once in a while. The only constant I have, and the one thing that I truly believe is that there is a God, and He hears us. This isn’t a post about religion or anything controversial. But I feel a lot better after I gave it to him. I still have anxiety about it. I mean- I am about to change my entire life! Everyone is going to have a little anxiety about it. But I just need to figure out how to not have it affect my life.
I am trying to stay positive about everything, and trying to remember that this is a GOOD thing. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed by everything going on in the next two weeks. So if you believe, pray for my sanity!
Monday, July 14, 2014
So Close!
Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated everyone, I have been stressed to the max over here! A lot is happening in a short amount of time, and I am very excited and also very NERVOUS.
I had my sleep study a few weeks ago. I had a beautiful room and wonderful nurses. They hooked me up to a shit ton of wires, and told me to sleep with them stuck all over me. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep very well. I tossed and turned most of the night, and had to take ALL the wires with me. The nurse told me I did sleep some, so luckily I won’t have to do that again.
Seriously, could you sleep in this?
My follow up went well. I was told I do have a mild case of sleep apnea, but it’s not severe enough to warrant a c-pap machine. The Doctor told me it should go away after the surgery, and I’ll sleep much better.
I had to get a breath test done to make sure I don’t have any bacteria in my stomach. I had to blow into a bag, and cap it, than drink this super sweet/tart drink, wait 15 minutes, then blow into another bag. Still waiting for the results of that.
My pre-op was just on friday with the PA Tyler (who is ADORABLE btw). He was super sweet to me, answered all of my questions, and it was really helpful. Before I had my appointment, I was really stressed out and feeling like I wasn’t going to be able to get everything done that I needed to get done. I hadn’t bought anything for after surgery and was getting nervous. Now, I am still nervous, but he really calmed me down and helped me realize the important things to get, and to not worry about everything else.
I still have a ton of work to do in my house. I don’t want to have to do a lot of housework while I am unable to lift and exert myself, so I am trying to get everything done in the three weeks that I have. I am more nervous about getting that stuff done, and about after the surgery right now than I am about the actual surgery. I told Tyler they were going to have to give me some Xanax or something to calm me down the day of, because I am going to be a wreck!
I am already feeling a lot of anxiety. I look at my calendar and realize how quick the surgery is coming, I get butterflies in my stomach. I haven’t been sleeping very well at all either. I am trying to balance my time between trying to get as much overtime as possible, and being home to get my house in order. I still have a garage to clean out, boxes to unpack in that garage (from THREE years ago, mind you) and go through all my smaller clothes. That’s the main reason for the garage clean out, I have a ton of clothing from when I was thinner and I need to see what I want to keep, and what I want to give away. The more clothing I can keep the less I have to spend money on, and right now that’s the goal.
I am trying hard to do things to get ready for after surgery. I am trying to drink without a straw (it’s a lot harder than it seems), to not drink during my meals, and to chew chew chew chew. I feel like if I can get used to this now, it will be easier after my surgery.
It doesn’t seem real yet I guess. It may not until I am actually in the hospital. Hell, it may not seem real until I am in a smaller pair of jeans. I just know now more than ever how happy I am that I made this choice. I am excited to feel better, get healthier, and to really live. I can’t wait
I had my sleep study a few weeks ago. I had a beautiful room and wonderful nurses. They hooked me up to a shit ton of wires, and told me to sleep with them stuck all over me. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep very well. I tossed and turned most of the night, and had to take ALL the wires with me. The nurse told me I did sleep some, so luckily I won’t have to do that again.
Seriously, could you sleep in this?
My follow up went well. I was told I do have a mild case of sleep apnea, but it’s not severe enough to warrant a c-pap machine. The Doctor told me it should go away after the surgery, and I’ll sleep much better.
I had to get a breath test done to make sure I don’t have any bacteria in my stomach. I had to blow into a bag, and cap it, than drink this super sweet/tart drink, wait 15 minutes, then blow into another bag. Still waiting for the results of that.
My pre-op was just on friday with the PA Tyler (who is ADORABLE btw). He was super sweet to me, answered all of my questions, and it was really helpful. Before I had my appointment, I was really stressed out and feeling like I wasn’t going to be able to get everything done that I needed to get done. I hadn’t bought anything for after surgery and was getting nervous. Now, I am still nervous, but he really calmed me down and helped me realize the important things to get, and to not worry about everything else.
I still have a ton of work to do in my house. I don’t want to have to do a lot of housework while I am unable to lift and exert myself, so I am trying to get everything done in the three weeks that I have. I am more nervous about getting that stuff done, and about after the surgery right now than I am about the actual surgery. I told Tyler they were going to have to give me some Xanax or something to calm me down the day of, because I am going to be a wreck!
I am already feeling a lot of anxiety. I look at my calendar and realize how quick the surgery is coming, I get butterflies in my stomach. I haven’t been sleeping very well at all either. I am trying to balance my time between trying to get as much overtime as possible, and being home to get my house in order. I still have a garage to clean out, boxes to unpack in that garage (from THREE years ago, mind you) and go through all my smaller clothes. That’s the main reason for the garage clean out, I have a ton of clothing from when I was thinner and I need to see what I want to keep, and what I want to give away. The more clothing I can keep the less I have to spend money on, and right now that’s the goal.
I am trying hard to do things to get ready for after surgery. I am trying to drink without a straw (it’s a lot harder than it seems), to not drink during my meals, and to chew chew chew chew. I feel like if I can get used to this now, it will be easier after my surgery.
It doesn’t seem real yet I guess. It may not until I am actually in the hospital. Hell, it may not seem real until I am in a smaller pair of jeans. I just know now more than ever how happy I am that I made this choice. I am excited to feel better, get healthier, and to really live. I can’t wait
Tuesday, June 3, 2014
I am Beautiful
Just wanted to give everyone an update on whats going on. It’s slow-moving right now just waiting for everything to be done and my surgery to be here.
I still have a few more things to take care of. I had two pulmonary appointments for a breathing test and a follow-up to see if I need a sleep study- I do. I will have my sleep study on June 20th. I still have to go get a breathing test to make sure I don’t have a bacteria infection in my stomach. (apparently, after my endoscopy they were supposed to give me an antibiotic to prevent this, and since they didn’t give that to me, I have to be tested.) I will probably have a few pre-op appointments I’m sure- I have one in July already set up.
The more I think about the date I was given, I think it actually works out well. I will be able to have my summer to have fun, go fishing and camping, hiking, and say goodbye to food that I won’t be able to have for a while. I will be able to get in tune with me and my body, to work out and build some muscle before my surgery, and just prepare. I think my after surgery weight loss will go much better if I try now. I want to be as successful as it can be, I don’t want to take any chances.
I see these other woman who are the same size or larger than me, and the way they look is so amazing. I can’t even picture myself that thin. I think the last time I was under 200 pounds was my freshman year of high school. I don’t even know what that looks like.
But I keep trying to picture it. I know it’s a bit vain, and that the purpose of this is to be healthy, not to be skinny, but isn’t mental health important too? If I don’t like the way I look after my surgery, I think that is going to be a problem. I’ve found that some woman after surgery are more critical of their bodies after they’ve lost 100 lbs then they were before they lost it. I have always tried to find the beauty in my own body, if I didn’t I would be mess of low self-esteem. I was always good at finding things that look good on me, but I’m not gonna lie, it is going to be a plus being able to shop in the “regular” section.
I just want to be comfortable.
Everyday I wear a “spanx” type tank top, so I can suck some of me in, even in the summer. I never wear tank tops and I rarely wear shorts, so I’m always hot. This past weekend I was wearing a tank top fishing, and when we left the lake we decided to go shopping. I was so self-conscious about my tank top I bought a t-shirt to wear.
Seriously, who wants to wear a t-shirt on a lake as beautiful as this? I want some SUN!
I hate to put a bathing suit on, and I usually wear something over it unless I’m swimming, so I’m always hot. I constantly have to change positions if I’m sitting, laying down, or even standing. I am never really comfortable. My feet and ankles always hurt, I am weary of plastic chairs in fear I will break one. I hate folding camp chairs because the posts always dig into my legs. I never wear heels, and if I do they are very low.
So this is what I am going to strive for, to not feel like this anymore. I am not doing this to be hot, or to look good (it’s a bonus though.) I just want to feel comfortable with myself.
I am frustrated by people who say/think I am doing this because of my looks, or that this is a vanity surgery. Getting plastic surgery that isn’t medically necessary is vanity surgery, and even then, whats wrong with trying to feel good about yourself? I am doing this for a lot reasons, But the main reasons are for health, comfort, and my future children’s health. I am beautiful now, and I know I don’t need this surgery to find beauty within me.
I will continue to tell myself that no matter what happens, I am beautiful.
I still have a few more things to take care of. I had two pulmonary appointments for a breathing test and a follow-up to see if I need a sleep study- I do. I will have my sleep study on June 20th. I still have to go get a breathing test to make sure I don’t have a bacteria infection in my stomach. (apparently, after my endoscopy they were supposed to give me an antibiotic to prevent this, and since they didn’t give that to me, I have to be tested.) I will probably have a few pre-op appointments I’m sure- I have one in July already set up.
The more I think about the date I was given, I think it actually works out well. I will be able to have my summer to have fun, go fishing and camping, hiking, and say goodbye to food that I won’t be able to have for a while. I will be able to get in tune with me and my body, to work out and build some muscle before my surgery, and just prepare. I think my after surgery weight loss will go much better if I try now. I want to be as successful as it can be, I don’t want to take any chances.
I see these other woman who are the same size or larger than me, and the way they look is so amazing. I can’t even picture myself that thin. I think the last time I was under 200 pounds was my freshman year of high school. I don’t even know what that looks like.
But I keep trying to picture it. I know it’s a bit vain, and that the purpose of this is to be healthy, not to be skinny, but isn’t mental health important too? If I don’t like the way I look after my surgery, I think that is going to be a problem. I’ve found that some woman after surgery are more critical of their bodies after they’ve lost 100 lbs then they were before they lost it. I have always tried to find the beauty in my own body, if I didn’t I would be mess of low self-esteem. I was always good at finding things that look good on me, but I’m not gonna lie, it is going to be a plus being able to shop in the “regular” section.
I just want to be comfortable.
Everyday I wear a “spanx” type tank top, so I can suck some of me in, even in the summer. I never wear tank tops and I rarely wear shorts, so I’m always hot. This past weekend I was wearing a tank top fishing, and when we left the lake we decided to go shopping. I was so self-conscious about my tank top I bought a t-shirt to wear.
Seriously, who wants to wear a t-shirt on a lake as beautiful as this? I want some SUN!
I hate to put a bathing suit on, and I usually wear something over it unless I’m swimming, so I’m always hot. I constantly have to change positions if I’m sitting, laying down, or even standing. I am never really comfortable. My feet and ankles always hurt, I am weary of plastic chairs in fear I will break one. I hate folding camp chairs because the posts always dig into my legs. I never wear heels, and if I do they are very low.
So this is what I am going to strive for, to not feel like this anymore. I am not doing this to be hot, or to look good (it’s a bonus though.) I just want to feel comfortable with myself.
I am frustrated by people who say/think I am doing this because of my looks, or that this is a vanity surgery. Getting plastic surgery that isn’t medically necessary is vanity surgery, and even then, whats wrong with trying to feel good about yourself? I am doing this for a lot reasons, But the main reasons are for health, comfort, and my future children’s health. I am beautiful now, and I know I don’t need this surgery to find beauty within me.
I will continue to tell myself that no matter what happens, I am beautiful.
Friday, May 16, 2014
I can never get ahead…
Well my post for today was very different until I found out some upsetting information.
I got my approval letter in the mail for financial assistance through the hospital. I didn’t really understand everything it was saying, so I called today to have it explained to me. My friend I work with, Meaghan, was able to get assistance with the cost of the surgery and only had to pay about $225 for it. Since our insurance states that we must pay 20% (up to $3000) of the surgery cost, I was very excited about this and it was basically why I decided to have the surgery, otherwise couldn’t afford it.
So today I called to find out more about it, and what I would be covered for. I found out that 1. The coverage changed from last year, and it isn’t as good. 2. Everything is based on your income and family size 3. This is basically like applying for additional insurance.
The letter I got had a breakdown of what my deductible or % would be through that specific hospital based on what I made. Because I make less than Meaghan, we thought the covered would be better. What we didn’t think of is that she has a child, thus making her family size 2, not 1 like me.
This is a photo of that breakdown-
If you look down by the bottom, it says “Inpatient Admission” and next to it, it says $8800. That’s MY portion of my surgery. So if my insurance was worse than that, I’d only have to pay $8800. It isn’t, so basically this is NO help to me what-so-ever.
The woman I spoke with told me that last year, they only had 3 tiers, and even if I qualified for tier 3, I’d only have to pay $450, but because of all the changes, this probably wouldn’t help me very much if I have my own insurance. Now they have 6 tiers, 6 being the worst coverage, and 1 being the best. I’m tier 5. I don’t even want to know what tier 6 is.
So I called my insurance company and found out what I have to pay. My insurance has a $500 deductible, and then I have to pay 20%, up to an aggregate total of $3000. So all of my oop expenses that I have will add up throughout the year (co-pays, and such) and once I hit 3000, I don’t have to pay anymore. I have already paid $660.00, so I’ll probably owe the hospital another $2800.
Basically the entire reason why I thought I could do this surgery and why I started is because I thought I would have help. I honestly and truly cannot afford to have ANOTHER debt hanging over my head. I am so frustrated. Nate and I were finally getting on track with all of our finances, things were really looking up. We consolidated our debt and were working to pay it off so we can buy some land next year and start building our house. Our rent has increased and everything is becoming too expensive, and that is why we wanted to start building our house so we had less money going out. But in order to build our house, we have to pay down our debt and save some money for a down payment. It’s like a vicious cycle.
I feel so defeated. We have this huge debt to pay and it’s too late for me to back out. The only thing that made me feel better is when I talked to Nate. He told me we have come too far, and have gone though 8 months of frustration and agony to back out now. Plus, there is a reason I am doing it and money shouldn’t hinder that. I really do love him a lot, without him I think I would have had a major break down. He is so supportive and I am so thankful for him.
I just need to continue to be positive and remember why I am doing this.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
August 6th, 2014
After all my bitching, complaining, frustrations, hard work, dieting, and phone calls, I FINALLY have gotten my surgery date and have been APPROVED!! This last process has taken almost a MONTH just to get my approval date. I had my last appointment on April 14th, where I got my final approval. It took them almost a month to fax paperwork.
There are a lot of emotions going through my head right now- the first one is disappointment. I know I know- I’ve been waiting for this since January, I should be excited! But I am disappointed because it’s not earlier, and it could have been if my paperwork was faxed in a timely manner. I wanted it earlier in the summer so I could heal before a lot of other things that are coming up in the fall, and I wanted to be able to start hiking and doing more active things this summer. But- I will be losing a bit more weight before the surgery, so being active this summer will help do that. So I will try to stay positive.
I am VERY excited too- because I have waited for this for a while, and I can’t believe it is really happening. I DO feel like a huge weight has been lifted and like I can finally relax and get my stuff together. I have exactly 3 months to get everything I need, organize my life, and prepare. But I’m also really nervous. About the surgery itself, the pain, the life changing experience. As soon as I found out my date, I instantly got butterflies in my stomach and was nervous. I really don’t know how I’ll be once they are actually prepping me for surgery. I’ll probably need to be tranq’d.
In other news:
Tuesday, one of my best friends, Kelly, had her Gastric Bypass. I went to visit her at the hospital that day to see how she was, and to spend some time with her. She was just glowing, it’s the only way I can really describe her. She was so happy and excited, like she knew only good things were going to happen from that point forward. She said to me, “I feel so great! I woke up, and I said ‘Wow, it really happened. No one can deny me, no one can take it away. It actually happened. I did it.”
A few days later, she is in a bit of pain, and she gets to go home today, but I know her thoughts haven’t changed. She still feels great despite the pain, her doctor and nurses said how amazing she is doing, and I am so happy and proud for her. I PRAY that I do HALF as well as she has done.
I feel so lucky to have these amazing woman in my life who have been able to experience this before me, so I can learn from them and they can guide me into the next stage of life. Not many people going through this process can say that not only do that have an amazing support system, but they have multiple people who have had the surgery and can share their experiences. And even though this has been a long process, and continues to be a long process, I am very thankful that I am even able to do this. I hope the next three months will go quickly!
There are a lot of emotions going through my head right now- the first one is disappointment. I know I know- I’ve been waiting for this since January, I should be excited! But I am disappointed because it’s not earlier, and it could have been if my paperwork was faxed in a timely manner. I wanted it earlier in the summer so I could heal before a lot of other things that are coming up in the fall, and I wanted to be able to start hiking and doing more active things this summer. But- I will be losing a bit more weight before the surgery, so being active this summer will help do that. So I will try to stay positive.
I am VERY excited too- because I have waited for this for a while, and I can’t believe it is really happening. I DO feel like a huge weight has been lifted and like I can finally relax and get my stuff together. I have exactly 3 months to get everything I need, organize my life, and prepare. But I’m also really nervous. About the surgery itself, the pain, the life changing experience. As soon as I found out my date, I instantly got butterflies in my stomach and was nervous. I really don’t know how I’ll be once they are actually prepping me for surgery. I’ll probably need to be tranq’d.
In other news:
Tuesday, one of my best friends, Kelly, had her Gastric Bypass. I went to visit her at the hospital that day to see how she was, and to spend some time with her. She was just glowing, it’s the only way I can really describe her. She was so happy and excited, like she knew only good things were going to happen from that point forward. She said to me, “I feel so great! I woke up, and I said ‘Wow, it really happened. No one can deny me, no one can take it away. It actually happened. I did it.”
A few days later, she is in a bit of pain, and she gets to go home today, but I know her thoughts haven’t changed. She still feels great despite the pain, her doctor and nurses said how amazing she is doing, and I am so happy and proud for her. I PRAY that I do HALF as well as she has done.
I feel so lucky to have these amazing woman in my life who have been able to experience this before me, so I can learn from them and they can guide me into the next stage of life. Not many people going through this process can say that not only do that have an amazing support system, but they have multiple people who have had the surgery and can share their experiences. And even though this has been a long process, and continues to be a long process, I am very thankful that I am even able to do this. I hope the next three months will go quickly!
Friday, May 2, 2014
Update
Well there really isn’t an update, because nothing new has happened. My surgeons office SAID they sent the paperwork to the insurance company, but yet my insurance company hasn’t gotten it yet.
I’m about to scream.
I have a control issue. Anyone who knows me knows this; I like having control, I like being the boss, I want to just do it myself. And not being in control of this situation has cause me a lot of stress and anger that I just do not know how to deal with. How hard is it to fax paperwork??
I have to get all of my time off approved, but I need my date to do that. My mom needs to buy her plane tickets, but I need my date to do that. I need to know when I am going to be out of work, but AGAIN I need my date to do that. This entire this is centered around ONE MAN faxing my paperwork to my insurance company. I could do his job better if I went there TODAY to do it.
Trying to plan all of this has put some un-welcome thoughts into my brain. I have been thinking a lot about after the surgery and what my life is going to be like. One of the thoughts is- do I really want to do this? I know I went through this in the beginning and I have 500 pro’s and con’s lists to show my thought process. I just keep thinking, how long will it take for my life to go back to normal? Will I lose too much weight? Will I not lose enough? What if I have complications and this never works for me? These questions keep me up at night.
I haven’t really had any negative responses to my surgery, and I have been telling everyone. But I find that I’m asking myself the questions I dreaded being asked. Could I do this on my own? Is this really going to be worth it?
People who have had the surgery tell me it is worth it. But because I haven’t experienced it myself, I don’t know for sure.
I worry about my relationships. Will they look at me differently because I am smaller? Will some be jealous? Will they think I’m acting different? Will I act different? All I have had is this tight-knit support system, but what happens when that falls apart? Stories from other people’s experiences are creeping into my subconscious and it is making me freak out. I guess I just need to trust in my relationships and hope for the best.
I am sure all of you hate me asking these questions, maybe one day I’ll be able to answer them though. That’s the beauty of having this blog, I am able to look back and remember my struggle and my questions, and re-evaluate myself. I feel that self-reflection is what is going to give me strength through this whole process.
You can’t expect everything else to change if you don’t change yourself, and that means outside and in.
So I will just take a deep breath and call my surgeons office again until they send the paperwork.
I’m about to scream.
I have a control issue. Anyone who knows me knows this; I like having control, I like being the boss, I want to just do it myself. And not being in control of this situation has cause me a lot of stress and anger that I just do not know how to deal with. How hard is it to fax paperwork??
I have to get all of my time off approved, but I need my date to do that. My mom needs to buy her plane tickets, but I need my date to do that. I need to know when I am going to be out of work, but AGAIN I need my date to do that. This entire this is centered around ONE MAN faxing my paperwork to my insurance company. I could do his job better if I went there TODAY to do it.
Trying to plan all of this has put some un-welcome thoughts into my brain. I have been thinking a lot about after the surgery and what my life is going to be like. One of the thoughts is- do I really want to do this? I know I went through this in the beginning and I have 500 pro’s and con’s lists to show my thought process. I just keep thinking, how long will it take for my life to go back to normal? Will I lose too much weight? Will I not lose enough? What if I have complications and this never works for me? These questions keep me up at night.
I haven’t really had any negative responses to my surgery, and I have been telling everyone. But I find that I’m asking myself the questions I dreaded being asked. Could I do this on my own? Is this really going to be worth it?
People who have had the surgery tell me it is worth it. But because I haven’t experienced it myself, I don’t know for sure.
I worry about my relationships. Will they look at me differently because I am smaller? Will some be jealous? Will they think I’m acting different? Will I act different? All I have had is this tight-knit support system, but what happens when that falls apart? Stories from other people’s experiences are creeping into my subconscious and it is making me freak out. I guess I just need to trust in my relationships and hope for the best.
I am sure all of you hate me asking these questions, maybe one day I’ll be able to answer them though. That’s the beauty of having this blog, I am able to look back and remember my struggle and my questions, and re-evaluate myself. I feel that self-reflection is what is going to give me strength through this whole process.
You can’t expect everything else to change if you don’t change yourself, and that means outside and in.
So I will just take a deep breath and call my surgeons office again until they send the paperwork.
Monday, April 28, 2014
I wish I knew...
During this whole process, I have been going on different bariatric post forums and Facebook groups, and I found something really interesting to me. One site had a compilation of everything they “wish they knew” before the surgery. I got a few myself from other people I know who have had the surgery and from the Facebook groups. Some of these are sad, some are inspirational, and some are just really funny.
I wanted to share these with all of you so you can see that this surgery hard, wonderful, and life changing.
I wish I knew…
how hard it would be to eat and get the protein in.
how hard it is to drink constantly.
I wish I had known not to overbuy the supplements, but rather to stock up on tea, cocoa powder, and dry milk.
I wish I’d been warned how emotional I’d be too & that sticking to fluids only is psychologically very difficult; if you used to be a “foodie”. I wish I’d known how tired & weak I would be, just having a shower would exhaust me in the early days & I’d have to have a rest!
How much I actually thought about food! I didn’t understand why I was so obese, I honestly thought I ate pretty well most of the time.
I wish I had known that I was not saying good-bye to food, but just setting new boundaries in our relationship.
I wish I had known that I would like my body more and more with clothes on and less and less naked as I get smaller.
I wish I had known the REAL reason why I was doing it – which had nothing to do with losing weight, but was about reclaiming my life.
I wish I had known that the way I felt the first month post-op was temporary. Maybe it was better that I went in not knowing how truly awful I was going to feel for a while.
Looking back on it, it passed quickly, but they don’t call it hell week for nothing.
Some people like you better fat and don’t know how to deal with you skinny
I was at 185, but I let a remark throw me off. Someone said ” Oh God, your cheeks are all sunk in, you look terrible”.
So I purposely gained 35 lbs. regretting it now. I am dieting again to get back to 185. That is where I have no gut, naturally. Other wise, I lost 175 lbs…So, don’t let a remark get to you.
No one told me that you could become depressed and an emotional wreck; I wish they had, so I could have been prepared for it.
Like any loss, you go through stages of grief (denial, pain, anger, depression, acceptance). Just like any other loss, everyone goes through these at different paces, you can be in more than one at a time, you can pass through one on to another and then go back to one you’ve already been through.
I wish I had known I would love the person I would become, and that I had worth. It would have saved a lot of tears, if I had known that. The tears, though, are part of the reason I became this person. Without being fat, and without GBS as a catalyst for the implosion of my entire life post-op, I would not have as much respect for the person I have become.
It took years, I realize now as I look back, for me to work through all those things in my head, heart and soul that were deeply affected by being fat. All the weight that I wanted to lose was gone in under a year, but it took MUCH longer to adapt my eyes to see my new self.
I can’t get a blind NG tube put in and I think this requires a medical bracelet
I felt emotional, didn’t know y at the time but now I know i was hormonal due to the rapid weight loss
I wish I realized how much I really loved food.
I wish I woulda known this would be the best damn decision ever so I coulda made it earlier.
I wish I knew there was problems with the iron absorbing
That regain is possible and very easy to happen.
How hard this process was going to be, and how frustrating it is. I may not have stuck it out if I knew before-hand…
I wish I knew not everyone loses the hunger or appetite hormone, I wish I knew I wouldn’t dump, I wish I knew I’d have constipation issues a lot, I wish I knew I’d still have to rely on myself not to graze all day and that I’d still have to count my calories and be mindful of how much I eat.
That after the surgery for the FIRST time since I was 14 (I’m now 47) I have gone 4 months without the migraines that I suffered from. Wondering now if it was all sugar related because I was a carb junkie!! Don’t really have time for bread and pasta because the calories and lack of protein make if a waste of time to eat.
Head hunger is REAL!
I wished I would have know what level of commitment this new lifestyle was going to take!
I wish I`d known that I would still have the urge to comfort eat (ONLY DONE IT ONCE NEVER AGAIN I LEARNT MY LESSON) even though it`s sometimes hard, I don`t regret having it done
I wish I knew that I would have a lot of complications and needed several revisions….. I would have still done wls, but done things differently
A few days post op I started crying. I found out it’s due to weight loss. I got meds to help. The first week or two truly can suck. You will wonder why you were ever excited to have this done. It will pass and you will slide into a new normal. You will like yourself because for the first time you KNOW you are making a positive health change. Counting protein grams and fluid ounces and vitamin popping are HARD in the first several weeks, but do get easier. You will be aware of your pouch most of the time until you are thoroughly healed.
I guess I thought I would always have soft/loose stools after surgery but in reality I suffer from constipation most of the time
Emotional aspect is something the professional’ s didn’t warn me about, mental health is so very important with this lifestyle change
I would have liked to be better prepared for emotional roller coasters
How hard it is to stay on track and not eat bad foods.
The crazy emotions, the hair loss and the random pains I get
About how severely you could lose your hair
That I’d feel nausea every day and even the thought of food would make me gag.
That weight loss/maintenance is still an every day, every minute demon for me
I wish I learned to love my body before the surgry, so I would love it after too.
Wish I’d known the true meaning of emotional roller coaster. Also wish I knew what I was truly capable of… never knew I’d come as far as I have- but also didn’t think I’d have issues with my skin
I wish I would have known how hard the first few weeks would have been….but I still would have done it
I wish i had known..just how painful the first weeks would be both physically and mentally..then i wish i had known that my husband would be jut beside himself with my results. then i wish i had known I would develop almost an aversion to food.. and then i wish i had known about how to get it done sooner. i feel like i wasted a lot of time battling the weight and feeling bad about myself…
How my hormones where going to go absolutely crazy!!!! From 3 months out to today they are a mess, there where days I really though I was going crazy. Than there is no way to know exactly how this is gonna affect people.
It’s no picnic in the beginning and no matter what surgery you have done, it is a tool, not the solution. It still requires some dedication and restraint. There is no surgery that will erase all weight with no work. You will not be alone!
I wanted to share these with all of you so you can see that this surgery hard, wonderful, and life changing.
I wish I knew…
how hard it would be to eat and get the protein in.
how hard it is to drink constantly.
I wish I had known not to overbuy the supplements, but rather to stock up on tea, cocoa powder, and dry milk.
I wish I’d been warned how emotional I’d be too & that sticking to fluids only is psychologically very difficult; if you used to be a “foodie”. I wish I’d known how tired & weak I would be, just having a shower would exhaust me in the early days & I’d have to have a rest!
How much I actually thought about food! I didn’t understand why I was so obese, I honestly thought I ate pretty well most of the time.
I wish I had known that I was not saying good-bye to food, but just setting new boundaries in our relationship.
I wish I had known that I would like my body more and more with clothes on and less and less naked as I get smaller.
I wish I had known the REAL reason why I was doing it – which had nothing to do with losing weight, but was about reclaiming my life.
I wish I had known that the way I felt the first month post-op was temporary. Maybe it was better that I went in not knowing how truly awful I was going to feel for a while.
Looking back on it, it passed quickly, but they don’t call it hell week for nothing.
Some people like you better fat and don’t know how to deal with you skinny
I was at 185, but I let a remark throw me off. Someone said ” Oh God, your cheeks are all sunk in, you look terrible”.
So I purposely gained 35 lbs. regretting it now. I am dieting again to get back to 185. That is where I have no gut, naturally. Other wise, I lost 175 lbs…So, don’t let a remark get to you.
No one told me that you could become depressed and an emotional wreck; I wish they had, so I could have been prepared for it.
Like any loss, you go through stages of grief (denial, pain, anger, depression, acceptance). Just like any other loss, everyone goes through these at different paces, you can be in more than one at a time, you can pass through one on to another and then go back to one you’ve already been through.
I wish I had known I would love the person I would become, and that I had worth. It would have saved a lot of tears, if I had known that. The tears, though, are part of the reason I became this person. Without being fat, and without GBS as a catalyst for the implosion of my entire life post-op, I would not have as much respect for the person I have become.
It took years, I realize now as I look back, for me to work through all those things in my head, heart and soul that were deeply affected by being fat. All the weight that I wanted to lose was gone in under a year, but it took MUCH longer to adapt my eyes to see my new self.
I can’t get a blind NG tube put in and I think this requires a medical bracelet
I felt emotional, didn’t know y at the time but now I know i was hormonal due to the rapid weight loss
I wish I realized how much I really loved food.
I wish I woulda known this would be the best damn decision ever so I coulda made it earlier.
I wish I knew there was problems with the iron absorbing
That regain is possible and very easy to happen.
How hard this process was going to be, and how frustrating it is. I may not have stuck it out if I knew before-hand…
I wish I knew not everyone loses the hunger or appetite hormone, I wish I knew I wouldn’t dump, I wish I knew I’d have constipation issues a lot, I wish I knew I’d still have to rely on myself not to graze all day and that I’d still have to count my calories and be mindful of how much I eat.
That after the surgery for the FIRST time since I was 14 (I’m now 47) I have gone 4 months without the migraines that I suffered from. Wondering now if it was all sugar related because I was a carb junkie!! Don’t really have time for bread and pasta because the calories and lack of protein make if a waste of time to eat.
Head hunger is REAL!
I wished I would have know what level of commitment this new lifestyle was going to take!
I wish I`d known that I would still have the urge to comfort eat (ONLY DONE IT ONCE NEVER AGAIN I LEARNT MY LESSON) even though it`s sometimes hard, I don`t regret having it done
I wish I knew that I would have a lot of complications and needed several revisions….. I would have still done wls, but done things differently
A few days post op I started crying. I found out it’s due to weight loss. I got meds to help. The first week or two truly can suck. You will wonder why you were ever excited to have this done. It will pass and you will slide into a new normal. You will like yourself because for the first time you KNOW you are making a positive health change. Counting protein grams and fluid ounces and vitamin popping are HARD in the first several weeks, but do get easier. You will be aware of your pouch most of the time until you are thoroughly healed.
I guess I thought I would always have soft/loose stools after surgery but in reality I suffer from constipation most of the time
Emotional aspect is something the professional’ s didn’t warn me about, mental health is so very important with this lifestyle change
I would have liked to be better prepared for emotional roller coasters
How hard it is to stay on track and not eat bad foods.
Old habits can & will creep back in
About how severely you could lose your hair
That I’d feel nausea every day and even the thought of food would make me gag.
That weight loss/maintenance is still an every day, every minute demon for me
I wish I learned to love my body before the surgry, so I would love it after too.
Wish I’d known the true meaning of emotional roller coaster. Also wish I knew what I was truly capable of… never knew I’d come as far as I have- but also didn’t think I’d have issues with my skin
I wish I would have known how hard the first few weeks would have been….but I still would have done it
I wish i had known..just how painful the first weeks would be both physically and mentally..then i wish i had known that my husband would be jut beside himself with my results. then i wish i had known I would develop almost an aversion to food.. and then i wish i had known about how to get it done sooner. i feel like i wasted a lot of time battling the weight and feeling bad about myself…
How my hormones where going to go absolutely crazy!!!! From 3 months out to today they are a mess, there where days I really though I was going crazy. Than there is no way to know exactly how this is gonna affect people.
It’s no picnic in the beginning and no matter what surgery you have done, it is a tool, not the solution. It still requires some dedication and restraint. There is no surgery that will erase all weight with no work. You will not be alone!
Monday, April 21, 2014
1 approval to go
Well as some of you know, I had my appointment with my NEW Nutritionist on Monday April 14th.
I really like her, and I got a lot of good information out of her. I am actually looking forward to a follow-up with her and I think she will really be able to help me be successful.
I stayed at goal for a total of 16.8 lbs lost when I weighed in with her. I was very nervous and didn’t eat at all until after my appointment. We talked a little about after surgery food, found out some things I didn’t know, but overall she was happy with my knowledge of the surgery and diet after surgery.
So then we get into my weight loss. Originally when I went to see Dr. Trivedi, he told me to maintain my weight until I saw Dr. Lemanski, because that is what they would base everything from. So I stopped working out (and pretty much ate whatever I wanted) so I was 5 pounds heavier when I weighed in with Lemandki. The nutritionist was basing her decision on that I weighed at Dr. Trivedi’s appointment and not Dr. Lemanski’s appointment . The good thing is, that I was still at an 11.8 lb loss from my appointment with Dr. Trivedi. (He only needed me to lose 10-15, Dr. Lemanski wanted me to lose 15-25.)
So Beth (my NUT) and I were talking and she told me she’d like to see me lose another 5 lbs- I said,
“Yeah, no problem, I’ll do that before the surgery easy.”
Then she says, “No, Before I approve you.”
I was stunned. This is my last appointment that I need for approval, and I have to jump through more hoops? I lost the weight I needed to, I will continue to lose weight, I need SOMEONE to be on my side.
I just sat there, looking stunned, and she must have realized in that moment I was not expecting that answer. She said,
“I am your last appointment for approval aren’t I.”
“Yes,” I said, “I’ve busted my butt to get everything completed and worked really hard to lose the weight I did.” I also explained that I was basing everything on what I weighed at Dr. Lemanski’s, and that I lost 16.8 lbs!
After we talked a bit, and she realized that Trivedi set 10-15 lbs and I reached that goal, she decided to approve me. I did a little dance inside my head, and thanked her up and down. She told me she would send the approval letter to Trivedi that day. But she still wanted me to lose more weight, and we’ll have a follow up soon.
So now it’s been a week, I’ve relaxed a bit with my eating and I think I am going to change gears a little. I am going to start eating more accurately to what I’ll be eating after surgery. Still low carb, but not as extreme as I was before, and I want to do a more low-fat approach too.
I just called my surgeons office. They have the paperwork but it hasn’t been sent out to my insurance company yet. That is the last thing I am waiting for, I need my insurance to approve everything so I can get my date. Hopefully I’ll only have to wait another week or so! I am so excited!
I really like her, and I got a lot of good information out of her. I am actually looking forward to a follow-up with her and I think she will really be able to help me be successful.
I stayed at goal for a total of 16.8 lbs lost when I weighed in with her. I was very nervous and didn’t eat at all until after my appointment. We talked a little about after surgery food, found out some things I didn’t know, but overall she was happy with my knowledge of the surgery and diet after surgery.
So then we get into my weight loss. Originally when I went to see Dr. Trivedi, he told me to maintain my weight until I saw Dr. Lemanski, because that is what they would base everything from. So I stopped working out (and pretty much ate whatever I wanted) so I was 5 pounds heavier when I weighed in with Lemandki. The nutritionist was basing her decision on that I weighed at Dr. Trivedi’s appointment and not Dr. Lemanski’s appointment . The good thing is, that I was still at an 11.8 lb loss from my appointment with Dr. Trivedi. (He only needed me to lose 10-15, Dr. Lemanski wanted me to lose 15-25.)
So Beth (my NUT) and I were talking and she told me she’d like to see me lose another 5 lbs- I said,
“Yeah, no problem, I’ll do that before the surgery easy.”
Then she says, “No, Before I approve you.”
I was stunned. This is my last appointment that I need for approval, and I have to jump through more hoops? I lost the weight I needed to, I will continue to lose weight, I need SOMEONE to be on my side.
I just sat there, looking stunned, and she must have realized in that moment I was not expecting that answer. She said,
“I am your last appointment for approval aren’t I.”
“Yes,” I said, “I’ve busted my butt to get everything completed and worked really hard to lose the weight I did.” I also explained that I was basing everything on what I weighed at Dr. Lemanski’s, and that I lost 16.8 lbs!
After we talked a bit, and she realized that Trivedi set 10-15 lbs and I reached that goal, she decided to approve me. I did a little dance inside my head, and thanked her up and down. She told me she would send the approval letter to Trivedi that day. But she still wanted me to lose more weight, and we’ll have a follow up soon.
So now it’s been a week, I’ve relaxed a bit with my eating and I think I am going to change gears a little. I am going to start eating more accurately to what I’ll be eating after surgery. Still low carb, but not as extreme as I was before, and I want to do a more low-fat approach too.
I just called my surgeons office. They have the paperwork but it hasn’t been sent out to my insurance company yet. That is the last thing I am waiting for, I need my insurance to approve everything so I can get my date. Hopefully I’ll only have to wait another week or so! I am so excited!
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Old Jeans are better then New Jeans
Today, I put on a pair of jeans that I haven’t worn in over a year.
I’ve lost 17 lbs and for the first time I am looking forward to my weigh in appointment.
I have figured out how to recognize bored eating, and hungry eating. Working out is still hard because of my ankles and feet, but once I lose more weight I think it will go really well.
I am so happy today, I have had a smile on my face pretty much all day, and I am so proud of myself. I have lost more weight before, but I honestly have never felt more accomplished. I feel so good about my self and my life, and how hard I am working for this. I feel myself changing as a person, the way I look at food, the way I see things. This has been such an enlightening experience, and I am glad I started doing this before my weight loss surgery so I could really grasp my feelings and emotions about everthing.
Even though this has been a frustrating experience, I have a feeling that after this whole thing is over, I’m going to be grateful that I went through it. And would probably do it all over again if given the same choice.
Unfortunately, since this is a public blog and I’d be afraid of losing my job, I cannot post anything about the process on trying to get this time off for my surgery and about a few frustrations I have had. But if anyone has questions in private I’d be happy to discuss them.
I’ve lost 17 lbs and for the first time I am looking forward to my weigh in appointment.
I have figured out how to recognize bored eating, and hungry eating. Working out is still hard because of my ankles and feet, but once I lose more weight I think it will go really well.
I am so happy today, I have had a smile on my face pretty much all day, and I am so proud of myself. I have lost more weight before, but I honestly have never felt more accomplished. I feel so good about my self and my life, and how hard I am working for this. I feel myself changing as a person, the way I look at food, the way I see things. This has been such an enlightening experience, and I am glad I started doing this before my weight loss surgery so I could really grasp my feelings and emotions about everthing.
Even though this has been a frustrating experience, I have a feeling that after this whole thing is over, I’m going to be grateful that I went through it. And would probably do it all over again if given the same choice.
Unfortunately, since this is a public blog and I’d be afraid of losing my job, I cannot post anything about the process on trying to get this time off for my surgery and about a few frustrations I have had. But if anyone has questions in private I’d be happy to discuss them.
But look! Putting on old jeans is SO much better then buying new jeans.
Monday, April 7, 2014
GOAL!!!
I don’t have much to update, but I wanted to drop a line anyway.
For those who didn’t read my previous post after I had an update, I have my new weigh in date on 4/14- AND I don’t have to see Dr. fuckface.
I have reached my first goal of -15 lbs. My new goal is to lose another few lbs, but I’d love to be at -20 by Monday for my appointment. The reason for this is so I absolutely know I am on goal even if I am a little bloated that day.
I am counting the days when I can have a glass of my favorite wine!
For those who didn’t read my previous post after I had an update, I have my new weigh in date on 4/14- AND I don’t have to see Dr. fuckface.
I have reached my first goal of -15 lbs. My new goal is to lose another few lbs, but I’d love to be at -20 by Monday for my appointment. The reason for this is so I absolutely know I am on goal even if I am a little bloated that day.
I am counting the days when I can have a glass of my favorite wine!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
gggrrrrrrr
So I have good news and not so good news.
The good news is, I called my surgeons office on Friday, and they told me that I didn’t have to go back and see Dr. Fat-hater, and I could see one of the dietician instead. Yay! Thank GOD- it took a TON of stress off me.
The not so good news is.. I don’t have a date for my appointment with my dietician. They haven’t called me yet, and I am about to lay some smack down. I need a goal date! I am down 14 lbs and i’d like to get down to at least 20 by then!
I already have an appointment with another dietician on 4/10, and if worse comes to worse i’ll ask if she can just weigh me in. But I am getting beyond frustrated with this process- there has to be an easier way!
I also finally got my pulmonary appointment to do a breathing test, and a screening to do my sleep study. That isn’t until May 8th, but I hope to have my date before that.
All in all, this is the only way I can express how I feel about this process:
UPDATE!!!: My weigh in appointment is April 14th, they just called me!!
The good news is, I called my surgeons office on Friday, and they told me that I didn’t have to go back and see Dr. Fat-hater, and I could see one of the dietician instead. Yay! Thank GOD- it took a TON of stress off me.
The not so good news is.. I don’t have a date for my appointment with my dietician. They haven’t called me yet, and I am about to lay some smack down. I need a goal date! I am down 14 lbs and i’d like to get down to at least 20 by then!
I already have an appointment with another dietician on 4/10, and if worse comes to worse i’ll ask if she can just weigh me in. But I am getting beyond frustrated with this process- there has to be an easier way!
I also finally got my pulmonary appointment to do a breathing test, and a screening to do my sleep study. That isn’t until May 8th, but I hope to have my date before that.
All in all, this is the only way I can express how I feel about this process:
UPDATE!!!: My weigh in appointment is April 14th, they just called me!!
Monday, March 24, 2014
SERIOUSLY?!?!?! *Caution, lots of swearing*
So I have been preparing for my appointment with Dr. Asshole since I made it. I’ve been my ass, working hard on my diet to lose the weight I need to lose, so I can finally get this over with and get my date. Just this morning I was planning the rest of my week to try and lose the last 4 lbs I need to lose.
Then I get a phone call.
Dr. Fuckmeover is on vacation, so he can’t see me on Friday. Okay, that’s fine, I get another week to lose my 4 lbs or more.
Then they say, Yes the earliest we can see you is May 8th. EXCUSE ME? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? He was so adamant on seeing me in four weeks, and now he is on vacation? He didn’t know he was going to be on vacation the day I made this appointment? And now you are pushing my fucking surgery another 5 WEEKS??? If it takes three months to schedule, that means I may not be scheduled until August- I don’t want to wait that long. I’ve busted my ass to get all of this done and complete- I don’t want to wait any longer.
The worst part is, they didn’t care. They didn’t give a shit if they ruined all my plans or that I’d have to be stressed out for another 5 weeks. I don’t think I can take it anymore. I have put a lot of pressure on myself to lose this weight in a certain amount of time- if I go another 5 weeks i’ll have a heart attack.
I called my mom and she suggested calling my surgeon- maybe they can do something.
So I called my surgeons office and told them what happened and asked if I could see anyone else. The nurse told me they’d talk to my surgeon and call me back to let me know. I am PRAYING this is what will happen, I think I will be a lot less stressed if I don’t have to see Dr. Immoreimportantthanyou.
I talked to Meaghan- she said this is a blessing in disguise and I probably won’t have to see Dr. Fuckface ever again.
I talked to my co-worker Janine, who agreed emphatically that they are a bunch of assholes and shared in my pouting
I talked to my boyfriend and he told me i’ll make it work, because that’s who I am.
I love my support system
Then I get a phone call.
Dr. Fuckmeover is on vacation, so he can’t see me on Friday. Okay, that’s fine, I get another week to lose my 4 lbs or more.
Then they say, Yes the earliest we can see you is May 8th. EXCUSE ME? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? He was so adamant on seeing me in four weeks, and now he is on vacation? He didn’t know he was going to be on vacation the day I made this appointment? And now you are pushing my fucking surgery another 5 WEEKS??? If it takes three months to schedule, that means I may not be scheduled until August- I don’t want to wait that long. I’ve busted my ass to get all of this done and complete- I don’t want to wait any longer.
The worst part is, they didn’t care. They didn’t give a shit if they ruined all my plans or that I’d have to be stressed out for another 5 weeks. I don’t think I can take it anymore. I have put a lot of pressure on myself to lose this weight in a certain amount of time- if I go another 5 weeks i’ll have a heart attack.
I called my mom and she suggested calling my surgeon- maybe they can do something.
So I called my surgeons office and told them what happened and asked if I could see anyone else. The nurse told me they’d talk to my surgeon and call me back to let me know. I am PRAYING this is what will happen, I think I will be a lot less stressed if I don’t have to see Dr. Immoreimportantthanyou.
I talked to Meaghan- she said this is a blessing in disguise and I probably won’t have to see Dr. Fuckface ever again.
I talked to my co-worker Janine, who agreed emphatically that they are a bunch of assholes and shared in my pouting
I talked to my boyfriend and he told me i’ll make it work, because that’s who I am.
I love my support system
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Scale Drama
I have been doing Atkins since February 26th.
The first week and a half I lost 10 lbs. I was so stoked and excited about my weight loss, and felt really good about myself for doing so well. I worked really hard on eating right, eating often, and exercising. I counted my carbs and calories every day, ate my veggies and lean protein. I decided the next Friday that since I had done so well, and since I still had three more weeks to lose 5 lbs, that I deserved a cheat day.
Nate and I went to our bar we always go to for Trivia night. I had a no carb drink- dirty martini
(yum yum)
They had a special on the board for seafood ravioli with grilled shrimp.
I wanted it, so I got it. Keep in mind, I hadn’t had pasta or anything like that in a week and a half.
When it came out, I had three large ravioli stuffed with seafood, a cream sauce, and grilled shrimp. As far as a carb meal, it wasn’t that bad, as there wasn’t much “noodle” to eat. I also had a few bites of the garlic bread because… well it’s fucking garlic bread and it’s amazing.
I felt SO sick after I ate it. I don’t know if it was the carbs, the cream sauce, the seafood, the drink, or a combo of some/all of those, but I thought I was going to get sick. Knowing what happens to me when I get sick
(Please see http://mybigfatsurgery.blogspot.com/2014/11/endoscopy.html to read about my broken blood vessels)
I really did not want to do that. So I suffered through that night, ate tums, and hoped it would go away by morning.
Well, it didn’t really. I felt a little icky all day, and barely ate.
I really screwed myself for the rest of the week, apparently, because I did not lose a POUND for the next week. I have been so frustrated with myself, I haven’t cheated since then, but the scale hasn’t moved. Oh no wait, I lied. I GAINED two lbs. I swear my scale is plotting against me.
So this week, I haven’t stepped on the scale. My friend Meaghan told me not to weigh myself until Friday, and that she PROMISES that if I do that (and continue to work hard and stick to my diet) that I’ll drop 5 lbs. I am skeptacle, but I am going to do it.
I do think it is finally working, because today my jeans that are usually tight, were not so tight. I may even go home and put on a pair of jeans that are a smaller size then what I usually wear, just to see if they will button.
I am very stressed out about this, because if I don’t lose this weight, then I have to hear a lecture from Dr. Asshole, and then I’ll have to wait ANOTHER month to get my date.
And why the hell wouldn’t I be losing weight? I literally eat meat and veggies ALL DAY LONG. This is the easiest/hardest diet I have gone on, because everything I know about health and wellness is down the tubes right now. I know how to be healthy and eat healthy, which is why I want to have the surgery. I know I can be successful after I have a jump start. I know how to do it. But being on a “diet” is where I get fucked up. I know whats healthy, and I just want to be able to do that in my lifestyle.
It’s times like these that my qualms about the surgery go away.
In other very good news, a very good friend who is doing this journey with me got her surgery date today. I am so excited for her to start this amazing transformation!
The first week and a half I lost 10 lbs. I was so stoked and excited about my weight loss, and felt really good about myself for doing so well. I worked really hard on eating right, eating often, and exercising. I counted my carbs and calories every day, ate my veggies and lean protein. I decided the next Friday that since I had done so well, and since I still had three more weeks to lose 5 lbs, that I deserved a cheat day.
Nate and I went to our bar we always go to for Trivia night. I had a no carb drink- dirty martini
(yum yum)
They had a special on the board for seafood ravioli with grilled shrimp.
I wanted it, so I got it. Keep in mind, I hadn’t had pasta or anything like that in a week and a half.
When it came out, I had three large ravioli stuffed with seafood, a cream sauce, and grilled shrimp. As far as a carb meal, it wasn’t that bad, as there wasn’t much “noodle” to eat. I also had a few bites of the garlic bread because… well it’s fucking garlic bread and it’s amazing.
I felt SO sick after I ate it. I don’t know if it was the carbs, the cream sauce, the seafood, the drink, or a combo of some/all of those, but I thought I was going to get sick. Knowing what happens to me when I get sick
(Please see http://mybigfatsurgery.blogspot.com/2014/11/endoscopy.html to read about my broken blood vessels)
I really did not want to do that. So I suffered through that night, ate tums, and hoped it would go away by morning.
Well, it didn’t really. I felt a little icky all day, and barely ate.
I really screwed myself for the rest of the week, apparently, because I did not lose a POUND for the next week. I have been so frustrated with myself, I haven’t cheated since then, but the scale hasn’t moved. Oh no wait, I lied. I GAINED two lbs. I swear my scale is plotting against me.
So this week, I haven’t stepped on the scale. My friend Meaghan told me not to weigh myself until Friday, and that she PROMISES that if I do that (and continue to work hard and stick to my diet) that I’ll drop 5 lbs. I am skeptacle, but I am going to do it.
I do think it is finally working, because today my jeans that are usually tight, were not so tight. I may even go home and put on a pair of jeans that are a smaller size then what I usually wear, just to see if they will button.
I am very stressed out about this, because if I don’t lose this weight, then I have to hear a lecture from Dr. Asshole, and then I’ll have to wait ANOTHER month to get my date.
And why the hell wouldn’t I be losing weight? I literally eat meat and veggies ALL DAY LONG. This is the easiest/hardest diet I have gone on, because everything I know about health and wellness is down the tubes right now. I know how to be healthy and eat healthy, which is why I want to have the surgery. I know I can be successful after I have a jump start. I know how to do it. But being on a “diet” is where I get fucked up. I know whats healthy, and I just want to be able to do that in my lifestyle.
It’s times like these that my qualms about the surgery go away.
In other very good news, a very good friend who is doing this journey with me got her surgery date today. I am so excited for her to start this amazing transformation!
Monday, March 10, 2014
Make Time
This post is about my Psych Eval- 1st appointment and then the follow up
This is the first appointment in this whole process I actually enjoyed.
Dr. Wardle is a very nice woman in her 60’s, she is calm and very interesting. She is a classically trained chef, and has more cookbooks in her house then I have ever seen. We met at her home office this morning and had a nice chat.
She started out by telling me a few stories of past patients going through bariatric surgery, to kind of show me what not to do. She told me about a man who decided he knew better about his body then his doctors after having a gastric bypass. He ate an entire sub sandwich, and it ended up rupturing his stomach and he died. There was a woman who was having the surgery because her husband told her he would leave her if she didn’t. And of course the stories of people thinking this was going to be a magic wand and POOF they’d be thin and perfect and then their lives would be perfect.
I felt in the beginning of this appointment, as I do with most of my appointments, that the doctors go into these appointments thinking people have no idea about this surgery, and they treat every patient like they are dumb. I have done a lot of research, I have two very close people in my life that have had the surgery, and I know a lot about it. I also have a very good friend who is doing this process with me, and I have learned a lot from her as well. I want to just tell them right off the bat; I know it isn’t a magic wand, I know my life isn’t going to be perfect when I lose weight, I know I am going to have to work hard and change my entire life. Why would I go though all this bullshit if I didn’t know that? This has been the most aggravating, stressful process I have ever had to go through, and I do NOT want to go through it again. I don’t understand the people who don’t take this seriously, and why they are even approved if they don’t know what this means to have this surgery.
Then she starts asking me about myself. I tell her about Nate, and my mom, and my good friend Meaghan. We go over some of my previous attempts at losing weight, and how I felt when I lost a lot of weight. She called me out on something that I know of myself, but I never thought it was something that could sabotage my surgery. She told me that I make excuses about being too busy. She said, “You just need to make the time. Everyone has the same amount of hours in the day, you just have to use yours differently to make what is important the top of the list.”
I really heard that. I know I procrastinate-that is my biggest flaw. I have always said, if I had a magically genie and he granted me one wish, it would be that I wasn’t a procrastinator any longer. I could be in the job I really want/love, I may be a bit thinner, and I’d be successful. I put things off and say I am too busy, and I really do hate that about myself- but I am really glad she called me out on it. It really made me take a look at my life and I see the excuses for not exercising or not eating right. I don’t want to make those anymore. I want to go to the gym even if I worked until 7:00. I want to make myself a healthy lunch every day even if I have to stay up late or get up early. I want my life to change.
I am done making excuses.
I will make time.
Follow up:
Again, I really enjoyed Dr. Wardle. She went over briefly what we talked about in our previous session, and she wrote up my approval letter to send to Dr. Trevedi, my surgeon. In a nutshell, she said that I am a passionate person and am perfect for this surgery. I have done a lot of research and I understand that this is going to be a lifestyle change and not a “magic wand.” She feels that I am going to be very successful with this surgery based on my attitude, support, and knowledge. In her closing, she stated how pleased she was to recommend such a deserving person. I really felt good about my appointment with her, and it gave me the strength to realize that I can do this, and I will be successful at it.
Since I spoke with her the first time, I have made an effort to make time for the things that are important. Right now, those things are making my breakfast and lunch. Some days are better then others, but I am goin to continue to work on myself, and not just my outward appearance
I am feeling really good
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the dietician, so hopefully she can give me some good tips about eating right!
This is the first appointment in this whole process I actually enjoyed.
Dr. Wardle is a very nice woman in her 60’s, she is calm and very interesting. She is a classically trained chef, and has more cookbooks in her house then I have ever seen. We met at her home office this morning and had a nice chat.
She started out by telling me a few stories of past patients going through bariatric surgery, to kind of show me what not to do. She told me about a man who decided he knew better about his body then his doctors after having a gastric bypass. He ate an entire sub sandwich, and it ended up rupturing his stomach and he died. There was a woman who was having the surgery because her husband told her he would leave her if she didn’t. And of course the stories of people thinking this was going to be a magic wand and POOF they’d be thin and perfect and then their lives would be perfect.
I felt in the beginning of this appointment, as I do with most of my appointments, that the doctors go into these appointments thinking people have no idea about this surgery, and they treat every patient like they are dumb. I have done a lot of research, I have two very close people in my life that have had the surgery, and I know a lot about it. I also have a very good friend who is doing this process with me, and I have learned a lot from her as well. I want to just tell them right off the bat; I know it isn’t a magic wand, I know my life isn’t going to be perfect when I lose weight, I know I am going to have to work hard and change my entire life. Why would I go though all this bullshit if I didn’t know that? This has been the most aggravating, stressful process I have ever had to go through, and I do NOT want to go through it again. I don’t understand the people who don’t take this seriously, and why they are even approved if they don’t know what this means to have this surgery.
Then she starts asking me about myself. I tell her about Nate, and my mom, and my good friend Meaghan. We go over some of my previous attempts at losing weight, and how I felt when I lost a lot of weight. She called me out on something that I know of myself, but I never thought it was something that could sabotage my surgery. She told me that I make excuses about being too busy. She said, “You just need to make the time. Everyone has the same amount of hours in the day, you just have to use yours differently to make what is important the top of the list.”
I really heard that. I know I procrastinate-that is my biggest flaw. I have always said, if I had a magically genie and he granted me one wish, it would be that I wasn’t a procrastinator any longer. I could be in the job I really want/love, I may be a bit thinner, and I’d be successful. I put things off and say I am too busy, and I really do hate that about myself- but I am really glad she called me out on it. It really made me take a look at my life and I see the excuses for not exercising or not eating right. I don’t want to make those anymore. I want to go to the gym even if I worked until 7:00. I want to make myself a healthy lunch every day even if I have to stay up late or get up early. I want my life to change.
I am done making excuses.
I will make time.
Follow up:
Again, I really enjoyed Dr. Wardle. She went over briefly what we talked about in our previous session, and she wrote up my approval letter to send to Dr. Trevedi, my surgeon. In a nutshell, she said that I am a passionate person and am perfect for this surgery. I have done a lot of research and I understand that this is going to be a lifestyle change and not a “magic wand.” She feels that I am going to be very successful with this surgery based on my attitude, support, and knowledge. In her closing, she stated how pleased she was to recommend such a deserving person. I really felt good about my appointment with her, and it gave me the strength to realize that I can do this, and I will be successful at it.
Since I spoke with her the first time, I have made an effort to make time for the things that are important. Right now, those things are making my breakfast and lunch. Some days are better then others, but I am goin to continue to work on myself, and not just my outward appearance
I am feeling really good
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the dietician, so hopefully she can give me some good tips about eating right!
Friday, March 7, 2014
I want BREAD!
So after meeting with my “Nutritionist” and having an AMAZING Birthday weekend in Lake Placid with Nate- I had to decide on how I was going to start losing this 15-25 lbs that Lemanski wants me to lose.
Now keep in mind, since January 6th I have been eating whatever I want. Literally, whatever. Bread, dessert, deep fried, cream sauces, you name it. It has been wonderful and horrible all at the same time. I’ve felt like complete shit, so I was kind of looking forward to eating healthy and not feeling like this anymore.
Lemanski gave me a diet to follow, in which I looked at and rejected. I pretty much wouldn’t eat anything in the diet he gave me. So I started looking into the best way to lose weight. After many pros and cons, I decided on Atkins- I don’t have to portion very much, I just stick to a food list, count my carbs, and I will lose weight fast.
I went grocery shopping and made a list of meals I was going to make. It was a lot more difficult then I thought after going through the list, as I cannot have carrots, a few other veggies I love because of carb content, and the worst thing of all, milk. I can’t drink milk. Those of you who know me, know this is a big issue. Pretty much the only thing I drink is water and milk. I was very upset, but I figure I can do without for 4 weeks, or find a soy/almond milk to have instead. (I ended up getting unsweetened almond milk, and it is NOT the same)
I got all of my low/no carb snacks and meals and I have been doing pretty good so far. The first four days were the worst! All I wanted was bread and milk. I couldn’t have my morning bagel, or rice with dinner, or a cookie that was clearly calling my name. But after those first days it has gotten a lot better.
Here is a look at what I usually eat:
Breakfast:
Scrambled eggs and cheese, sometimes with ham or salsa
Lunch:
Tuna salad
sautéed veggies (Zucchini, onions, and mushrooms)
Or I have leftovers from dinner the night before-
Snack:
Pepperoni and cheese
Dinner:
Greek burger (AMAZING) and veggies (for the recipe below, if you are doing Atkins, you can swap out the greek yogurt for sour cream)
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ellie-krieger/my-big-fat-greek-burgers-recipe.html
Other options:
Taco Salad
Salsa Verde Burger: http://www.rachaelraymag.com/recipes/rachael-ray-magazine-recipe-search/rachael-ray-burger-recipes/salsa-verde-turkey-burger
Or just any meat and a veggie
The other thing I found is that I was STARVING during this transition, and it felt like I could never eat enough. Now, I know I have to eat a little something every few hours in order to feel not hungry, because that’s when you start to get in trouble. I crave the foods I am not supposed to have when I am hungry. So if I don’t get hungry, and have a snack every few hours, I don’t crave. LIGHTBULB!!
I must be doing something right, because I have been doing Atkins since Wednesday, February 26th and I have lost 10 lbs. I feel really good about the next few weeks and I think I’ll do really great with this.
I also feel like this is going to get me in the right mind set for after my surgery too. I think I could really get used to this, and this is the first time that I have really felt like that. I could really be successful with this surgery.
Now keep in mind, since January 6th I have been eating whatever I want. Literally, whatever. Bread, dessert, deep fried, cream sauces, you name it. It has been wonderful and horrible all at the same time. I’ve felt like complete shit, so I was kind of looking forward to eating healthy and not feeling like this anymore.
Lemanski gave me a diet to follow, in which I looked at and rejected. I pretty much wouldn’t eat anything in the diet he gave me. So I started looking into the best way to lose weight. After many pros and cons, I decided on Atkins- I don’t have to portion very much, I just stick to a food list, count my carbs, and I will lose weight fast.
I went grocery shopping and made a list of meals I was going to make. It was a lot more difficult then I thought after going through the list, as I cannot have carrots, a few other veggies I love because of carb content, and the worst thing of all, milk. I can’t drink milk. Those of you who know me, know this is a big issue. Pretty much the only thing I drink is water and milk. I was very upset, but I figure I can do without for 4 weeks, or find a soy/almond milk to have instead. (I ended up getting unsweetened almond milk, and it is NOT the same)
I got all of my low/no carb snacks and meals and I have been doing pretty good so far. The first four days were the worst! All I wanted was bread and milk. I couldn’t have my morning bagel, or rice with dinner, or a cookie that was clearly calling my name. But after those first days it has gotten a lot better.
Here is a look at what I usually eat:
Breakfast:
Scrambled eggs and cheese, sometimes with ham or salsa
Lunch:
Tuna salad
sautéed veggies (Zucchini, onions, and mushrooms)
Or I have leftovers from dinner the night before-
Snack:
Pepperoni and cheese
Dinner:
Greek burger (AMAZING) and veggies (for the recipe below, if you are doing Atkins, you can swap out the greek yogurt for sour cream)
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ellie-krieger/my-big-fat-greek-burgers-recipe.html
Other options:
Taco Salad
Salsa Verde Burger: http://www.rachaelraymag.com/recipes/rachael-ray-magazine-recipe-search/rachael-ray-burger-recipes/salsa-verde-turkey-burger
Or just any meat and a veggie
The other thing I found is that I was STARVING during this transition, and it felt like I could never eat enough. Now, I know I have to eat a little something every few hours in order to feel not hungry, because that’s when you start to get in trouble. I crave the foods I am not supposed to have when I am hungry. So if I don’t get hungry, and have a snack every few hours, I don’t crave. LIGHTBULB!!
I must be doing something right, because I have been doing Atkins since Wednesday, February 26th and I have lost 10 lbs. I feel really good about the next few weeks and I think I’ll do really great with this.
I also feel like this is going to get me in the right mind set for after my surgery too. I think I could really get used to this, and this is the first time that I have really felt like that. I could really be successful with this surgery.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
If we lived in a world of famine, you’d live.
So I have been putting off this post, only because this doctor was so mean and hurtful, I don’t really want to relive it. But I wanted to document everything and that means the good and the bad.
On February 20th I had my appointment with my “Nutritionist.” I say this term loosely because he is not a nutritionist, and I don’t even know why my surgeon wants me to see him. He is a doctor for preventive medicine, and is the only doctor I don’t have a choice on seeing. I HAVE to see him to be approved.
I was already nervous because I had been warned by my friend Meaghan that he was an asshole and fat hater, and also by my surgeon that there is a 50/50 shot I would like him.
I went to this office, that was EMPTY, and waited for a while to even go into the room.
When I went into the room, the nurse came in and took down my information, and you could tell she didn’t want to be there and kept wrinkling her forehead on her laptop that didn’t want to work. Off to a great start.
Meaghan told me he was going to make me wait, because he is the almighty doctor and he sees you on his own time. Due to this knowledge, I found this newspaper clip he had in the room to be VERY ironic.
So he comes in and I try to shake his hand, he gives me a limp wrist and it almost looked like he wanted me to kiss it the way he was holding it. He didn’t make eye contact with me at all, and made me feel very uncomfortable. He started asking me more questions about my family history and my health. Then he gets into what I eat. What do you usually eat in a day?
I don’t fucking know- I like variety in my life. It depends on my mood, on my diet, if i’m pmsing, if I’m on vacation, if I’m sick. Seriously, who knows what they eat USUALLY! So I told him what I eat, and he looks at me (This is the first time, BTW he has looked at me at all) and said “Then why have you gained so much weight.”
I wanted to punch him in the face and say “WELL YOU’RE THE DOCTOR, YOU TELL ME!!”
I didn’t. We got through it and I told him I have a portion control problem, especially when it comes to carbs. If I go for seconds, it’s for rice or pasta or potatoes. I told him in general, I eat heathy, I don’t snack on chips or cookies, but yes I have been known to eat them. I do like to induldge, but I try not to do it often.
I wanted to say, “I am not eating 6000 calories a day like most FAT PEOPLE you know DOCTOR!” Because this is what he is expecting to hear, that I have cereal, a bagel, an omelet, grits, a pound of bacon, and potatoes for breakfast, a big mac, a mcchicken, and a filet o fish, fries and soda for lunch, and 5 burritos for dinner. Well guess what, I DON’T.
Wow sorry I went off a little there.
Then he starts to talk, and show me what a genius he is. He is talking about random shit that has nothing to do with my surgery or my life. He tells me that our brains our ingrained to eat food with high fat content, because when we were cave men we didn’t know when our next meal would be. So we eat and eat and eat because we think we need to, but in reality there is a McDonald’s right down the street. He said to me, “If we lived in a world of famine, you’d live.” GEE THANKS DOCTOR ALMIGHTY!
He continues this bullshit for a while. He asks me about my goals. I tell him I’d love to be 150lbs, but i’d be happy even if I lost 50. He looks at me (only the second time, btw) and says, “Well what would be the point of the surgery if you only lost 50 lbs? That isn’t a success story.” Look doc- I just want to be healthy, not be a fashion model.
He told me he thought my goal to be 150lbs is a great goal, and that he thinks I’ll reach it. He thought my weight loss goal of 10-15lbs by my surgeon wasn’t enough, and told me he’d like to see 15-25. He said that I will have a higher success rate during and after the surgery the more weight I lose, so that it will shrink my liver, prepare me for after my surgery, and it will be easier for my surgeon. Less risk.
The rest of the appointment was boring, more of Dr. Holierthenthou spouting more bullshit. He wants me to see a dietician so I know what kind of foods to eat after my surgery, and gave me a diet to stick to.
I decided after looking at the diet, that I wasn’t going to do his diet, and started Atkins instead. I was going to do this on my own without any help from the fat hater.
Of course, that weekend was my birthday weekend, so my boyfriend and I lived it up and went to Lake Placid for the weekend. I had my last hurrah! I decided to forget about the pompus prick and enjoyed my birthday.
Aren’t we cute???
On February 20th I had my appointment with my “Nutritionist.” I say this term loosely because he is not a nutritionist, and I don’t even know why my surgeon wants me to see him. He is a doctor for preventive medicine, and is the only doctor I don’t have a choice on seeing. I HAVE to see him to be approved.
I was already nervous because I had been warned by my friend Meaghan that he was an asshole and fat hater, and also by my surgeon that there is a 50/50 shot I would like him.
I went to this office, that was EMPTY, and waited for a while to even go into the room.
When I went into the room, the nurse came in and took down my information, and you could tell she didn’t want to be there and kept wrinkling her forehead on her laptop that didn’t want to work. Off to a great start.
Meaghan told me he was going to make me wait, because he is the almighty doctor and he sees you on his own time. Due to this knowledge, I found this newspaper clip he had in the room to be VERY ironic.
So he comes in and I try to shake his hand, he gives me a limp wrist and it almost looked like he wanted me to kiss it the way he was holding it. He didn’t make eye contact with me at all, and made me feel very uncomfortable. He started asking me more questions about my family history and my health. Then he gets into what I eat. What do you usually eat in a day?
I don’t fucking know- I like variety in my life. It depends on my mood, on my diet, if i’m pmsing, if I’m on vacation, if I’m sick. Seriously, who knows what they eat USUALLY! So I told him what I eat, and he looks at me (This is the first time, BTW he has looked at me at all) and said “Then why have you gained so much weight.”
I wanted to punch him in the face and say “WELL YOU’RE THE DOCTOR, YOU TELL ME!!”
I didn’t. We got through it and I told him I have a portion control problem, especially when it comes to carbs. If I go for seconds, it’s for rice or pasta or potatoes. I told him in general, I eat heathy, I don’t snack on chips or cookies, but yes I have been known to eat them. I do like to induldge, but I try not to do it often.
I wanted to say, “I am not eating 6000 calories a day like most FAT PEOPLE you know DOCTOR!” Because this is what he is expecting to hear, that I have cereal, a bagel, an omelet, grits, a pound of bacon, and potatoes for breakfast, a big mac, a mcchicken, and a filet o fish, fries and soda for lunch, and 5 burritos for dinner. Well guess what, I DON’T.
Wow sorry I went off a little there.
Then he starts to talk, and show me what a genius he is. He is talking about random shit that has nothing to do with my surgery or my life. He tells me that our brains our ingrained to eat food with high fat content, because when we were cave men we didn’t know when our next meal would be. So we eat and eat and eat because we think we need to, but in reality there is a McDonald’s right down the street. He said to me, “If we lived in a world of famine, you’d live.” GEE THANKS DOCTOR ALMIGHTY!
He continues this bullshit for a while. He asks me about my goals. I tell him I’d love to be 150lbs, but i’d be happy even if I lost 50. He looks at me (only the second time, btw) and says, “Well what would be the point of the surgery if you only lost 50 lbs? That isn’t a success story.” Look doc- I just want to be healthy, not be a fashion model.
He told me he thought my goal to be 150lbs is a great goal, and that he thinks I’ll reach it. He thought my weight loss goal of 10-15lbs by my surgeon wasn’t enough, and told me he’d like to see 15-25. He said that I will have a higher success rate during and after the surgery the more weight I lose, so that it will shrink my liver, prepare me for after my surgery, and it will be easier for my surgeon. Less risk.
The rest of the appointment was boring, more of Dr. Holierthenthou spouting more bullshit. He wants me to see a dietician so I know what kind of foods to eat after my surgery, and gave me a diet to stick to.
I decided after looking at the diet, that I wasn’t going to do his diet, and started Atkins instead. I was going to do this on my own without any help from the fat hater.
Of course, that weekend was my birthday weekend, so my boyfriend and I lived it up and went to Lake Placid for the weekend. I had my last hurrah! I decided to forget about the pompus prick and enjoyed my birthday.
Aren’t we cute???
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Endoscopy
My Endoscopy was on February 13th (if I would have known how much this procedure was going to effect me I would not have scheduled it for the day before Valentines Day.) It was not fun.
First they brought me behind a curtain where there was a hospital bed. They had me undress (oo la la) and I put on a gown. I got in the bed and they gave me a really nice warm blanket. They put an IV in me and wheeled me into the room where they do the procedure. I laid there for a good half hour waiting for the doctor to finish with the previous patient, and I was very uncomfortable and just wanted it to be over.
I asked the nurse to take a photo of me before they got started
So then the doctor comes in and asks me a few questions, they explain the procedure to me. They were going to give me something that was going relax me but keep me awake, but I wouldn’t remember anything. It’s true, you don’t remember ANYTHING. Then they were going to put the camera down my throat and take some photos. If they found anything they needed to do a biopsy on, they would do that then.
What I DO remember, is them laying me down, and telling me they were giving me the medicine in my IV. I had my eyes closed, and I think I opened them and they had to give me more, because the next thing I knew I was back behind the curtain. I must have grabbed my phone and took a few photo’s of myself, because I found them later on my phone.
Here is one- Yeah, I looked stoned
I think I feel back asleep, and woke up with my phone in my hand so started texting my boyfriend to come and get me. I think he may have asked if he could come back to see me, because a few minutes later the nurse came in and told me he couldn’t come back yet. Apparently this news upset me, because I burst into tears. The nurse calmly told me it was okay and to go back to sleep. So I did.
I woke up feeling a bit better. The nurse came in to talk to me, told me I could eat anything I wanted, to stay away from alcohol, and not to drive for 24 hours. I got dressed and they brought me into a little room where I was able to finally see my boyfriend. The doctor came in to give me photos of my insides (which I am having a hard time scanning, sorry) and told me I have a slight hernia, but it was nothing to worry about.
After, Nate decided to take me to a diner that has Gyro’s. (I am originally from Detroit, and there is a very large Greek community. There is a TON of Greek food there, and NONE here. So when I find a place that serves something even a TINY bit Greek, I’m gonna jump on it.)
So we go to the diner and I get my Gyro. It’s amazing. I hadn’t eaten since the night before and it was probably 2:00 in the afternoon at that point, so I was really hungry.. As I am eating this meat pita, I notice my throat starts to hurt. Every time I swallowed, it was painful- almost like having strep throat.
After we were done, we had to run a few errands, and my throat was still killing me. I was exhausted, and cranky, so my boyfriend decided to stop at the store and got the most amazing vanilla ice cream ever. So the rest of the day I napped and ate ice cream.
But the next day, I was still in a lot of pain and exhausted. I noticed also that I had broken some blood vessels in my face, most likely from gagging on the camera they put down my throat.
Look, even popped a blood vessel in my eye!!! (that showed up the next day)
It was a good thing I only had to work 4 hours that day because of a snow storm. My poor boyfriend, however, had to do snow removal all day. So we were both exhausted and spent Valentines day with some homemade soup and the TV.
First they brought me behind a curtain where there was a hospital bed. They had me undress (oo la la) and I put on a gown. I got in the bed and they gave me a really nice warm blanket. They put an IV in me and wheeled me into the room where they do the procedure. I laid there for a good half hour waiting for the doctor to finish with the previous patient, and I was very uncomfortable and just wanted it to be over.
I asked the nurse to take a photo of me before they got started
So then the doctor comes in and asks me a few questions, they explain the procedure to me. They were going to give me something that was going relax me but keep me awake, but I wouldn’t remember anything. It’s true, you don’t remember ANYTHING. Then they were going to put the camera down my throat and take some photos. If they found anything they needed to do a biopsy on, they would do that then.
What I DO remember, is them laying me down, and telling me they were giving me the medicine in my IV. I had my eyes closed, and I think I opened them and they had to give me more, because the next thing I knew I was back behind the curtain. I must have grabbed my phone and took a few photo’s of myself, because I found them later on my phone.
Here is one- Yeah, I looked stoned
I think I feel back asleep, and woke up with my phone in my hand so started texting my boyfriend to come and get me. I think he may have asked if he could come back to see me, because a few minutes later the nurse came in and told me he couldn’t come back yet. Apparently this news upset me, because I burst into tears. The nurse calmly told me it was okay and to go back to sleep. So I did.
I woke up feeling a bit better. The nurse came in to talk to me, told me I could eat anything I wanted, to stay away from alcohol, and not to drive for 24 hours. I got dressed and they brought me into a little room where I was able to finally see my boyfriend. The doctor came in to give me photos of my insides (which I am having a hard time scanning, sorry) and told me I have a slight hernia, but it was nothing to worry about.
After, Nate decided to take me to a diner that has Gyro’s. (I am originally from Detroit, and there is a very large Greek community. There is a TON of Greek food there, and NONE here. So when I find a place that serves something even a TINY bit Greek, I’m gonna jump on it.)
So we go to the diner and I get my Gyro. It’s amazing. I hadn’t eaten since the night before and it was probably 2:00 in the afternoon at that point, so I was really hungry.. As I am eating this meat pita, I notice my throat starts to hurt. Every time I swallowed, it was painful- almost like having strep throat.
After we were done, we had to run a few errands, and my throat was still killing me. I was exhausted, and cranky, so my boyfriend decided to stop at the store and got the most amazing vanilla ice cream ever. So the rest of the day I napped and ate ice cream.
But the next day, I was still in a lot of pain and exhausted. I noticed also that I had broken some blood vessels in my face, most likely from gagging on the camera they put down my throat.
Look, even popped a blood vessel in my eye!!! (that showed up the next day)
It was a good thing I only had to work 4 hours that day because of a snow storm. My poor boyfriend, however, had to do snow removal all day. So we were both exhausted and spent Valentines day with some homemade soup and the TV.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)