Right now I am in the process of getting everything ready. I am making lists upon lists of things I need to do at home, buy for after surgery, and pack for my stay at the hospital. I bought my protein powder, I have a plan for my supplements, I have a list of items to buy for the first few weeks I am out. Not to mention trying to get my house in order. I want to make sure it is as clean as it can get so I don’t have to do much in the first few weeks. Nate and I finally cleaned our garage out and I am getting all of my skinny clothes ready to wear again! But I am FAR from ready.
I am also trying to split my time into trying to get as much overtime as possible since I’ll be getting sick pay for a month and no overtime. But I also need to be home to take care of the things I need to do there. I can’t get a day off from work at all because we are so busy. So I basically only have 3 full days to get done what I need to get done. I need at least a week.
So I am feeling a lot of anxiety because of all this. I am still not sleeping well, and I am now having some bad dreams.
Last night I had a dream I didn’t wake up from anesthesia. I could see my parents and my boyfriend when they were telling them, and how upset and lost they looked. When I woke up I was pretty upset and shaken up. I was talking to my friend Meaghan about it, and she basically said to me that God has a plan for me, and that plan is not to go through all this only to die. And if it’s my time to go, it doesn’t matter what I am doing that day, it will happen regardless.
I sat at my desk and thought about that for a while. I decided what I had to do; I had to give my worry to God. I need to put this in His hands and take this worry from me. Think of it as a “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment. I took a few deep breaths and I prayed right there.
I pray to God- not as much as I used to, but I still do. I believe in Him, even if I have a question of faith every once in a while. The only constant I have, and the one thing that I truly believe is that there is a God, and He hears us. This isn’t a post about religion or anything controversial. But I feel a lot better after I gave it to him. I still have anxiety about it. I mean- I am about to change my entire life! Everyone is going to have a little anxiety about it. But I just need to figure out how to not have it affect my life.
I am trying to stay positive about everything, and trying to remember that this is a GOOD thing. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed by everything going on in the next two weeks. So if you believe, pray for my sanity!
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