The Millennium Force

I want to be able to ride roller coasters again.

I am originally from Michigan- and every Michigander loves going to Cedar Point in Ohio-, which is by far the best theme park in the USA. (Yes, THE best) One of my favorite roller coasters there is called The Millennium Force. It opened in the year 2000, and I have ridden it at least a dozen times. The coaster has a 310 ft., 45 degree inclined lift hill with a 300 ft. drop, and features two tunnels, three over-banked tunnels and four hills. It has a top speed of about 93 mph- And, there is only a seat belt holding you in. The best is sitting in the front seat, seeing your entire life pass you by.

The last time I was at Cedar Point, I tried to ride this ride. I was stopped before I even got in line and was asked to sit in their mock chair to make sure the seat belt fit me. Can you imagine? “Uhm excuse me, I think you are too fat to ride this ride, could you embarrass yourself now in front of hundreds of people by trying to buckle this belt across your fat stomach?” I was mortified. My day was pretty much ruined at that point, and if I had been of drinking age, I would have done just that.

I am probably 50lbs bigger than I was when that happened. I know why they did it- because they don’t want people waiting in a long line only to be told they can’t ride it- they think it’s less embarrassing to do it at the front of the line, then at the end. I get all this. But I never want that to happen again.

I want to go back to that roller coaster, and be able to enter the line without being stopped. I don’t want to be the standard of people that can’t ride the roller coaster.
I want to feel comfortable in an airplane- Because most of my flights are very short, I usually have to fly on “puddle jumpers.” This means it’s a very small plane, usually only two rows of two, and the seat belts apparently are only to be worn by children (this is fat humor at its finest people.) This also means the chairs are smaller. I HATE having to sit next to people. I always try to sit by the window and try to keep my legs as far from the person next to me as I can. I find myself trying to fold my body into the corner of the window so I don’t spill into the other persons’ seat. My entire body is so tense the entire flight; I can’t relax unless I am sitting alone.

I want to wear SHORTS! And TANK TOPS! and BOOTS! OMG how much I want to wear a pair of boots that goes over my calf. I have tried on so many wide calf boots, and none of them fit. I hate having to wear ankle boots or having to bunch my boots up under my calf.

I want to be able to wear clothes without something sucking me in every day. I have to wear a shape wear tank top every day just to feel comfortable- like I know nothing is spilling out or causing rolls. In the summer, I sweat so much because how many layers I have to wear just to feel comfortable.
I want to be able to look back at my wedding and my wedding photos and feel like I was beautiful- and not regret the photos that were taken- and not think; could I have gotten a different dress, if only I were thinner?

Can I look like this?

I stood up in my cousins wedding while in college. This was during a time where I felt really good about myself, and I thought I looked really good. During the photographs, the photographer kept putting one of the thinner girls in front of me, and I knew why he was doing it. The girl he kept putting in front of me didn’t, and she kept moving over so she didn’t block me. He actually EXPLAINED to her “You see how when I put someone in front of me, I don’t look as big? That is what I am trying to do here.” I have never been more humiliated in my life. After they were done taking photos, I went into the bathroom and balled my eyes out. My mom found out, and ripped the photographer a new one. He apologized, being a big man himself, it wasn’t his intention to hurt me; he was just trying to get the other bridesmaid to stay where he put her.

People shouldn’t have to go through things like this. Life shouldn’t be dictated by how big you are. I can’t go hiking with people other than my boyfriend because I am very self-conscious about how hard I breathe. I can’t have photos taken of me because it just reminds me how fat I am. I can’t get pregnant because I am just perpetuating the fat epidemic. I can’t wear boots because they don’t fit. I can’t buy regular shoes because my feet are so wide. I can’t ride a roller coaster. I am so sick of CAN’T.


I want to take control of my life. And I think this surgery is going to be the start of that.