So the one problem with deciding that you are going to try to have weight loss surgery is that you have this feeling of freedom with food. No longer do you have to diet, or watch what you eat. Why do that? You are going to just lose it all once this process is over anyway, right? WRONG!! (Well, IF I get the surgery that is right, but I still have to go through a very long process.) And what if I don’t get approved? Then I would have totally screwed myself.
I haven’t exercised in over a week. I canceled my weight watchers membership. I am eating anything I want. I ordered desert the other night! I am on a rampage! I need to stop.
The good thing is, I think I am actually getting sick of eating. I feel gross all the time, and I can’t believe how tired I am. There is something to say for eating heathy, you feel so much better. Plus my pants are getting a little tight!
The other problem is the holidays are coming up- We just had Thanksgiving. I’m spending Christmas with my family, and they are all foodies. Everything we do is based around where we are going lunch/dinner that day. Not to mention I have two Christmas dinners. I feel like I am on death row! I need my last meal…s.
I am just hoping all of this goes smoothly and quickly. Now that I have made my decision that I actually want this surgery, if I get denied I will be heartbroken. I already have a list of things that I want to do when I lose enough weight to do it. Like hiking, mountain climbing, get a new ID picture for my drivers license and work ID, running a 5k, and other things that I am not going to mention on this blog because they are sexual in nature and I don’t want to give my Grandmother a heart attack
But I am really looking forward to losing a significant amount of weight, and finally feeling free. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before. Free to act the way I want to act, and not worry about people judging me because i’m big. Free to maybe even start acting again. I was so uncomfortable with myself that I don’t think I allowed myself to be free while I acted. I was too stiff and couldn’t let go. Maybe i’ll be able to let go, and finally do something that I really love and am passionate about. I never realized I could feel like that.
As I typed that last paragraph, I got this image of a child running through fall leaves, laughing and screaming in delight. I want to be that child. Not a care in the world.
I haven’t exercised in over a week. I canceled my weight watchers membership. I am eating anything I want. I ordered desert the other night! I am on a rampage! I need to stop.
The good thing is, I think I am actually getting sick of eating. I feel gross all the time, and I can’t believe how tired I am. There is something to say for eating heathy, you feel so much better. Plus my pants are getting a little tight!
The other problem is the holidays are coming up- We just had Thanksgiving. I’m spending Christmas with my family, and they are all foodies. Everything we do is based around where we are going lunch/dinner that day. Not to mention I have two Christmas dinners. I feel like I am on death row! I need my last meal…s.
I am just hoping all of this goes smoothly and quickly. Now that I have made my decision that I actually want this surgery, if I get denied I will be heartbroken. I already have a list of things that I want to do when I lose enough weight to do it. Like hiking, mountain climbing, get a new ID picture for my drivers license and work ID, running a 5k, and other things that I am not going to mention on this blog because they are sexual in nature and I don’t want to give my Grandmother a heart attack
But I am really looking forward to losing a significant amount of weight, and finally feeling free. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before. Free to act the way I want to act, and not worry about people judging me because i’m big. Free to maybe even start acting again. I was so uncomfortable with myself that I don’t think I allowed myself to be free while I acted. I was too stiff and couldn’t let go. Maybe i’ll be able to let go, and finally do something that I really love and am passionate about. I never realized I could feel like that.
As I typed that last paragraph, I got this image of a child running through fall leaves, laughing and screaming in delight. I want to be that child. Not a care in the world.
No comments:
Post a Comment