Sleep, drink, eat, then repeat

I really should be more on top of this blog. A lot of things have happened that I wanted to document, but honestly I am exhausted most days and I don’t want to do anything.


Thank God for my boyfriend who has helped me SO much since my surgery, and has done everything possible to make me happy. Look at the beautiful flowers he bought me!



Sleeping is a huge issue right now. I LOVE sleeping. I could sleep 10 hours a night and be totally happy. Nate says my super power is I can wake up in the morning and go back to sleep instantly. Not being able to get a full nights sleep is really starting to piss me off.

In the hospital, I could nap anytime, anyplace. I am not sure if it was from the medication or what, but I could just nod off in the middle of a conversation. Ever since I got home, no matter how tired I am, I can’t sleep. I haven’t had a full nights sleep without waking up since I got home from the hospital.

I slept in a recliner for the first few days since it was painful to fully lay down. Nate slept on the couch in the living room with me, because I couldn’t get out of the chair myself. My parents left the Sunday after my surgery, so I started sleeping in the bed most of the night when they left. I had to be propped up by pillows, and I only slept for a few hours there. I would wake up in the middle of the night, walk around, took more medicine, drank some water, then fall asleep in the chair. After about a week I was able to sleep in the bed all night, but I still wake up, and sometimes walk around.

It’s been better lately, and I’ve been able to sleep on my side and even on my stomach, which is a lot more comfortable for me. I think I’ve been sleeping better because I can finally sleep how I am used to sleeping. The only problem is a few days ago, my left stitch, the one I’ve had so much trouble with, opened a bit. Every time I go to sleep it opens again and I have to wash my sheets! I have to start wearing gauze to bed until it fully heals and doesn’t open anymore.

Food has been going well for the most part. In the beginning, I had a really hard time keeping anything down. Everything sounded really gross, and I was nauseous all the time. After having a conversation with my bariatric nurse, we figured out I wasn’t drinking enough water. I thought I was feeling sick because I wasn’t eating, so I would try to force myself to eat. But after realizing I was dehydrated, I worked on getting water in. I have to take small sips, and not drink too fast. I have to stop a half hour before I want to eat, then wait a half hour after I eat. I have tried almost everything on my list of foods I can have for the next 3 or 4 months, and its all gone down pretty well.

I went from the pureed stage right to the last stage, and bypassed the soft food stage. Things were going down so well, I just made sure that I chewed and chewed. I felt that I knew my body and I didn’t need to continue to the third stage. I’ve had ground beef, chicken, fish, shrimp and cheese that all goes down really well. I am still having a hard time with regular milk, yogurt sometimes and real eggs.

I am working hard to try to get 60 grams of protein in a day, which is hard when you can only eat 1/4 of a cup to a 1/2 a cup of food at each meal. I also need to try to get 64oz of liquid in a day, and I don’t count my protein drinks in this. I mostly drink water and diluted juice, and am pretty successful there.

For example, For breakfast today I had egg salad (It seems to be the only way I can have real eggs without it bothering me), for lunch I’ll have white chicken chili, and for dinner probably a greek burger (no bun or anything though.)
1 egg = 7g
white chicken chili= 12g
protein shake = 17g
Greek burger (with feta and yogurt sauce) = 28g

That’s 64 grams of protein. If I can get all that in today, plus another 40oz of water, I will be good to go

I will try to be better about updating the blog! I will post a few pictures next week if I finally get to the 25lb mark

Personal Wins

So it’s been two weeks since my surgery. I will have another post about the rest of the two weeks another day. But today I had to write about today.

On Monday I had my “One Week” visit with the PA Tyler. As some of you know, the main things I have been dealing with since my surgery is pain and nausea. Recently, I have had pain in one of my incision sites. It hurts to basically do anything! Sit, stand, walk, bender over. I told him about the pain, and about how the pain medicine I am on (Hydrocodone) doesn’t really do anything to help. He said that this incision is the one they do most everything out of, and it is deep in the muscle where the nerves are, so that’s why its so painful. He gave me some pain patches, and some another pain medicine for a few days. He also took my drain out!! For those who don’t know what this is, I had to have plastic tubing coming out of the right side of my stomach, and it went to this little egg type thing. It drained fluid to prevent infection. It was annoying, gross, and caused a lot of discomfort. Having it taken out was like having a painful tapeworm being pulled from my stomach. I am so overjoyed to have this thing out you have no idea.

After my doctor appointment I went shopping with my mother-in-law, and just from everything that day I really over-did it. I was in a lot of pain the rest of Monday and on Tuesday I was very sore. I decided to take it easy on Tuesday because I had a lot to do today.

This morning I woke up and wasn’t experiencing a lot of pain. I walked around my apartment waiting for more to come, but it didn’t. I relaxed for a little while, made myself some eggs and cheese (YUM BTW, best thing I’ve eaten so far) and started getting ready. I was really starting to feel myself! I could sit and stand, bend over, shower, and get ready without a ton of pain. I would feel a few twinges here and there, but nothing from what I had been experiencing. It made me feel so positive and good to be able to be up and about, and not stuck in the recliner I’ve been in since the surgery. I went to the store and went shopping! I didn’t say out too long, I didn’t want to overdue, and I have things I have to do tomorrow as well. But it’s a really amazing feeling.

It has been a day of wins. I had two meals that didn’t make me sick at all. I weighed myself and I’ve lost 21 lbs since my surgery two weeks ago. I don’t have a ton of pain, and I drove for the first time since my surgery.

I am having such a wonderful day, and it isn’t even over yet!!

Days following

Sorry I haven’t been updated. I never realized how hard it was to do ANYTHING after having this surgery.

The night after my surgery I didn’t get much sleep. Nate slept next to me all night, which I was so grateful for. The nurse or tech would wake me up to get my vitals or to give me a medication, and he would be up there helping me get comfortable after they came. At midnight, our neighbors got a visitor of some-sort, and they were talking at the top of their voices. They had no regard to the two people also trying to sleep in the room. I was so annoyed and pissed off. I shushed them a few times after they wouldn’t shut up, and they finally quieted down.

But I still didn’t get a lot of sleep at all. Finally after my 2am check, the nurse told me she was going to let me sleep for a few hours, and she’d wake me up to walk around 4:30 or 5 to walk. As soon as I got to sleep though, my IV machine kept going off. There were bubbles in my IV and this loud alarm would sound. I would have to call the nurse to fix it every time. It happened probably a dozen times an hour. When she would, I would get this surge of medication and saline though my IV that made it burn and it was really painful. My IV was still in my hand at this point, and even though I continued to tell her it was bothering me, no one did anything about it. This went on until 4am, so I decided to just get up and walk.

After I slept a little while longer, Nate had to go to work. I was still in a lot of pain, and I was not ready for him to leave. I couldn’t breath very well still and it was hard for me to get out of bed. I was starting to feel sick so they started given me additional pain meds and anti-nausea meds as well. I went for a walk in the morning, then was told I had to go have an upper GI that morning to make sure there were no leaks. The nurse helping me get there wasn’t very nice to me, and didn’t have any sympathy for me whatsoever to the fact that I was in a lot of pain.

This upper GI was a little different then the one I had before. I only had to stand to get the x-ray done, which is good that I didn’t have to move a lot. But the whole time the nurse kept yelling at me to breath. My oxygen levels were low and my heart rate was high, and she was trying to help ,but the way she was going about it was too harsh and rude for me to handle. I finally broke and yelled at her, crying as well, that I was in a lot of pain, that I knew my oxygen level was low but yelling at me wasn’t going to do anything about it. That shut her up.

So before when I had to get my upper GI, it was very thick and chalky, and it was more of the consistency that bothered me, rather than the taste. This one was so much worse. It tasted like cough syrup and dish soap mixed. I thought I was going to throw up all over the x-ray tech. Since I couldn’t drink very much, it took a long time for it to get to where they needed it to be to get the x-ray they needed. Keep in mind, I haven’t had ANYTHING to drink at all since two days before. The only thing I get were little sponges of water to suck on. So I hand to stand at the x-ray machine for a long time. It was very hot in that room, and I was fading pretty quickly. I was relieved when they told me I was done and could go back to my room.

The day didn’t seem to wind down there. After my upper GI fiasco, I had several people in an out of my room. I finally got my IV changed, my catheter out, and some more medication. My tech helped me clean up in the bathroom, because there is something about hospitals that make you smell. So I was clean, feeling good, and sitting upright in my chair. I was sore from all the activity, but was finally able to drink water! HALLELUJAH!!! The clouds parted and the angels sang when they told me that. I was finally able to take a nice nap in the sleep chair for a while.

My parents came later in the afternoon, and Nate after that. I was actually expecting my parents to be there earlier that day, and really could have used them. But they had a nice relaxing morning and I couldn’t fault them for wanting that, after all they spent their day in the hospital the day before.

They stayed a few hours, and were able to be there to see me start other liquids. I was able to eat a little Italian ice, but everything else they gave me was gross, including the broth. So I mostly stuck with water. My parents had to get going to meet my in-laws for dinner. Nate stayed pretty late, and I was exhausted even with the nap I had earlier that day. I finally convinced Nate to go home and get a good night sleep, and I went to sleep early.

More later

The Surgery

Well I did it. I finally had my surgery.

We got to the hospital a little late. We were supposed to arrive at 5:45 but ended up getting there closer to 6. I was weirdly calm. Normally before something big, I am a nervous wreck. I had some nerves, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. I was either in shock or I had finally accepted everything. I am not sure which. The whole ride to the hospital I was expecting the butterflies and feeling sick or anxious. I just.. didn’t get them.

My Mom, Dad, Nate and I were not in the waiting room very long when I was called to go back to my pre-op station. I had a bed behind a curtain. I was only allowed to take one person at a time, so I took Nate first. I got undressed and got into my gown, and then the parade started. I got to see three different nurses, my Anesthesia doctor, my Surgeon, his PA Tyler, and then finally my Anesthesia nurse who would be with me the whole time.

Nate was with me the whole time, the nurses making us laugh, taking whatever nerves we had left away with them. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard in a hospital. They had a really hard time getting the IV in, I have really deep set veins. They had to bring a machine that shined a red light on my skin, and it showed my veins to the nurse so she could put in my IV. It was really cool. The Anesthesiologist even started playing around with it on me because she had never seen it before.

They put the IV in my left hand, and it wasn’t very comfortable at all. I am left handed for one, and it really stung feeling the medicine going through it. I had asked them if they could move it after surgery while I was still out, but they forgot I think.

After my IV was in, my parents were able to come back and we all spent a little time together. They got to be there when my Surgeon came in and the Anesthesiologist nurse came to give me meds and take me to the operating room. I remember feeling odd when I was being rolled into the room, everything started to blur and spin. We got into the operating room, I saw the big round lights and all the nurses prepping everything around me. They put me into position and started strapping my arms down off to the side. I think they must have given me the good stuff at this point, because it was hard to keep my eyes open. The nurse finally told me to turn off my brain and have a good nap. So I did.

Surgery lasted a little less then three hours. My boyfriend didn’t want to leave the waiting room. I think he was more anxious about all this then I was. Maybe that is why I was so calm, because he needed me to be.

The next thing I can remember is pain, and not being able to breath. Every breath was agony, and I could hear someone telling me to take a deep breath. I kept telling them I couldn’t, that I hurt. I just continued to take short staggered breaths as this nurse continued to yell at me to breath. I finally told her to stop yelling at me and that I couldn’t. I begged her to give me something for the pain. They told me they had already, twice. I think I vaguely remember her talking to my surgeon, but I don’t really know. Everything seemed like a dream for a while after I woke up.

I am pretty sure I didn’t open my eyes this whole time. Next thing I knew it was quiet and my family was in the room with me. There was a woman in the room too yelling about how the hospital was trying to kill her. This continued for a while. My father, who did not want me to be dealing with that, got me moved to another room, 2208. For those who know me, know what a fanatic I am about numbers. This is probably one of the best room numbers I could ever ask for. I knew it was a sign that everything would be fine, and I would be okay. But I was still in pain, and having a hard time breathing. I was cramping in my stomach and my back and rear were in a lot of pain due to the duration I was laying on them.

While in the first room, basically all I did was ask for pain medication. My parents tracked down a nurse to finally hook up the morphine drip, where I had a button I could give it to myself. Now I thought this was the kind that you could keep pressing and pressing. This one I could only do every 6 minutes. Needless today, I kept my eyes on the clock.

The rest of the day was pretty painful. After only a few hours after my surgery, they wanted me to start walking. Mind you, I am connected to a heart monitor, breathing machine, IV, and a catheter. The tech that was helping me, Stacy, was amazing. As you can imagine, after having surgery on your stomach, it can be painful to do just about anything, but trying to get out of bed is next to impossible. Stacy gave me a bit bear hug and lifted me out of the bed. She helped make sure my gown was covering me, and that I was steady before walking. She basically kept her arm around me the whole time. My Dad was so thankful that she was there, he gave her a hug too.

I didn’t walk very far, I got down to half way down the hallway. I kept getting cramps in my stomach, it felt like charlie-horses. My back was also in a lot of pain, trying to hold the rest of my body up because my core couldn’t. The pain medicine still wasn’t working very well, and I hadn’t had anything to drink since midnight the night before, just enough to wet my mouth. I was weak, tired, in pain, and starting to feel a little nauseous. They made me walk a few more times that night, each time getting easier and easier.

My parents stayed for the whole day, I basically had to kick them out. They were so helpful, tracking down nurses or anyone to help me with anything. They encouraged me to walk, as that was the best way to heal. Through all the confusion and headache, they were there to make sure I was being cared for properly, and I couldn’t have done this without them.

The second tech of the night was not as good as Stacy. He was a little asian boy who didn’t help me out of bed, and barely knew what he was doing. Thank God Nate stayed the night with me that night, or I wouldn’t have been able to walk at all. Actually, if he didn’t stay the night, I don’t think I would have been comfortable, and may have fallen several times. My boyfriend, all 6’5 of him, slept in a tiny sleep chair all curled up, so uncomfortable. He woke up every time I moved, and got up just to help me.

Through this day, I learned a lot. I learned I do not have a high tolerance for pain, that I never want to do this surgery ever again, and that I couldn’t have done this without my parents and Nate.

I will tell everyone more about my experience, but this is it for now.

How ARE you?

Friday I was asked this question a lot. I just wasn’t sure how to answer it.

As my surgery got closer I began to get anxious, then excited, then nervous, then down right scared, then almost calm. Now, I am really not sure how I feel. I think I may be all of these things rolled into its own little ball of emotion that could burst at any point. Today was the first day I woke up with butterflies in my stomach.

It’s my last day of work until September, but since most people don’t work on Saturdays I was saying “See Ya Later” to all my friends at work on Friday. I realized that day I have so many friends supporting me with this surgery. I think that maybe that is another emotion I am having, the overwhelming love and support from everyone. Even people I haven’t spoken to in years are reading my blog, and sending me words of encouragement. It is really amazing and wonderful, there isn’t really a good way to describe it.

Going through something like this, you don’t really expect that. There is a lot of controversy surrounding this surgery, which I’ve addressed a lot in here. Many people thing this surgery is laziness, or gluttony. For some people it could be those things. All I can say it what is it for me, and it just amazes me that the people who really support me say it loud and proud, and for those who don’t have kept quiet. Honestly, I really appreciate both the support, and the quietness of those who don’t. The last thing I need so close to my date is negativity rearing its ugly head into my already unstable brain. I think the only reason I have gotten this far without going bat shit crazy is all my friends and family being there for me.

I am so grateful and I feel so blessed that I have such wonderful people in my life to keep me positive and sane. The past 6 months have been a struggle, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I am ready for the next stage of my life.

So to all of you, Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You all have been apart of this journey, and I cannot even begin express my gratitude toward all of you.