2 Weeks!

Tomorrow marks two weeks until my surgery.

Right now I am in the process of getting everything ready. I am making lists upon lists of things I need to do at home, buy for after surgery, and pack for my stay at the hospital. I bought my protein powder, I have a plan for my supplements, I have a list of items to buy for the first few weeks I am out. Not to mention trying to get my house in order. I want to make sure it is as clean as it can get so I don’t have to do much in the first few weeks. Nate and I finally cleaned our garage out and I am getting all of my skinny clothes ready to wear again! But I am FAR from ready.

I am also trying to split my time into trying to get as much overtime as possible since I’ll be getting sick pay for a month and no overtime. But I also need to be home to take care of the things I need to do there. I can’t get a day off from work at all because we are so busy. So I basically only have 3 full days to get done what I need to get done. I need at least a week.

So I am feeling a lot of anxiety because of all this. I am still not sleeping well, and I am now having some bad dreams.

Last night I had a dream I didn’t wake up from anesthesia. I could see my parents and my boyfriend when they were telling them, and how upset and lost they looked. When I woke up I was pretty upset and shaken up. I was talking to my friend Meaghan about it, and she basically said to me that God has a plan for me, and that plan is not to go through all this only to die. And if it’s my time to go, it doesn’t matter what I am doing that day, it will happen regardless.

I sat at my desk and thought about that for a while. I decided what I had to do; I had to give my worry to God. I need to put this in His hands and take this worry from me. Think of it as a “Jesus Take the Wheel” moment. I took a few deep breaths and I prayed right there.

I pray to God- not as much as I used to, but I still do. I believe in Him, even if I have a question of faith every once in a while. The only constant I have, and the one thing that I truly believe is that there is a God, and He hears us. This isn’t a post about religion or anything controversial. But I feel a lot better after I gave it to him. I still have anxiety about it. I mean- I am about to change my entire life! Everyone is going to have a little anxiety about it. But I just need to figure out how to not have it affect my life.

I am trying to stay positive about everything, and trying to remember that this is a GOOD thing. It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed by everything going on in the next two weeks. So if you believe, pray for my sanity!

So Close!

Sorry it’s been so long since I’ve updated everyone, I have been stressed to the max over here! A lot is happening in a short amount of time, and I am very excited and also very NERVOUS.

I had my sleep study a few weeks ago. I had a beautiful room and wonderful nurses. They hooked me up to a shit ton of wires, and told me to sleep with them stuck all over me. Needless to say, I didn’t sleep very well. I tossed and turned most of the night, and had to take ALL the wires with me. The nurse told me I did sleep some, so luckily I won’t have to do that again.

Seriously, could you sleep in this?


My follow up went well. I was told I do have a mild case of sleep apnea, but it’s not severe enough to warrant a c-pap machine. The Doctor told me it should go away after the surgery, and I’ll sleep much better.

I had to get a breath test done to make sure I don’t have any bacteria in my stomach. I had to blow into a bag, and cap it, than drink this super sweet/tart drink, wait 15 minutes, then blow into another bag. Still waiting for the results of that.

My pre-op was just on friday with the PA Tyler (who is ADORABLE btw). He was super sweet to me, answered all of my questions, and it was really helpful. Before I had my appointment, I was really stressed out and feeling like I wasn’t going to be able to get everything done that I needed to get done. I hadn’t bought anything for after surgery and was getting nervous. Now, I am still nervous, but he really calmed me down and helped me realize the important things to get, and to not worry about everything else.

I still have a ton of work to do in my house. I don’t want to have to do a lot of housework while I am unable to lift and exert myself, so I am trying to get everything done in the three weeks that I have. I am more nervous about getting that stuff done, and about after the surgery right now than I am about the actual surgery. I told Tyler they were going to have to give me some Xanax or something to calm me down the day of, because I am going to be a wreck!

I am already feeling a lot of anxiety. I look at my calendar and realize how quick the surgery is coming, I get butterflies in my stomach. I haven’t been sleeping very well at all either. I am trying to balance my time between trying to get as much overtime as possible, and being home to get my house in order. I still have a garage to clean out, boxes to unpack in that garage (from THREE years ago, mind you) and go through all my smaller clothes. That’s the main reason for the garage clean out, I have a ton of clothing from when I was thinner and I need to see what I want to keep, and what I want to give away. The more clothing I can keep the less I have to spend money on, and right now that’s the goal.

I am trying hard to do things to get ready for after surgery. I am trying to drink without a straw (it’s a lot harder than it seems), to not drink during my meals, and to chew chew chew chew. I feel like if I can get used to this now, it will be easier after my surgery.

It doesn’t seem real yet I guess. It may not until I am actually in the hospital. Hell, it may not seem real until I am in a smaller pair of jeans. I just know now more than ever how happy I am that I made this choice. I am excited to feel better, get healthier, and to really live. I can’t wait