One Year

I haven't been posting here at all.


Life occasionally takes over.


In a year, I've lost 102 lbs., 48 inches, 5 dress sizes, a half a shoe size, and a ring size.


I can eat pretty much anything, which is more harmful then it is helpful.


I still struggle with things that I eat, how much I eat, and why I feel the need to continue to eat.


Ice cream and milk makes me feel sick.


I work out 3-4 times a week between the gym and spin class.


This is the place to be honest, if I can't be honest in my own blog, where can I be? I really don't like that I am posting specific things about my weight, it makes me uncomfortable, but in order to move past my negative thoughts, I need to get it all out.


The things that are pissing me off the most is that I cannot get under 200lbs. I am barely into a pair of jeans I wore in high school, and I don't think I'll feel thin until those are too big. I am the same as I was in high school, I am not the thinnest I have ever been. I have a specific idea in my head of what I want to look like, and I don't think I'll feel good about myself until I am there.


I have put on my goal jeans, and that felt amazing. I haven't worn them since the summer I was 15. They are from express, and I buttoned and zipped them without laying down. I think I'll feel really good once I can wear them in public.


I'll try to post more about my journey. Hopefully the next time I post, I'll be in ONEderland (which is when the scale starts with a 1)


Until next time :)

A Different Journey

I cancelled everything with my old website provider and officially only have my blog here. I am sad that I couldn't make it work, but happy to be getting a lot of money back.

I really wanted to get into blogging and try to do it professionally. I thought I had a unique idea and it is something I know a lot of people go through. But after the newness wore off it started to become a chore for me to update, and I think my writing suffered because of it. I know I am a talented writer, I have been told that by a variety of people. But this blog is not my best work, and I am disappointed in it. So rather then waste money on something that isn't going to help me make money, I am going to continue with it on a free site so I can continue to document my journey, but maybe without so much pressure I can work on my writing as well.

I have needed a creative outlet for a while, and since I am not ready to try to do anything with my acting, I need to do it with my writing. I have been working on a book for a while, and I think I finally have a clear vision. Finishing this book is something that is now very important to me. I wish I could afford to take a year or 6 months off work so that I could write, but I can't do that. So I am going to work on it whenever I can, whenever inspiration strikes.

When something happens that is disappointing in life, you have to find the courage to pick yourself back up and make the best of it. I am going to continue to stay positive about my blog even if it isn't what I wanted it to be, and put that energy into my book.

Maybe I'll make something out of that.

I know this has nothing to do with my weight loss journey, but its a journey all the same.

3 months post op

Well it feels good to have my blog back to it's old home. I decided it wasn't worth spending the money on a paid site for something that is now a hobby. 

Things are going very well with my after-surgery life. I hit my three month mark on 11/6 and I have lost 40 lbs since my surgery, and 60 lbs since my heights weight. I am taking a spin class and Zumba, while also going to the gym. I have more energy, I feel better about myself, and I am much healthier. I no longer am on blood pressure meds or at risk of having to get a c-pap for sleep apnea. My feet and knees don't hurt as much, and I am wearing clothes that I haven't worn in 5 years.

I still eat too fast, which causes food to get stuck in my esophagus. I have to walk around and burp a lot to try and get it un-lodged and into my stomach. It's painful and I try to remember to chew chew chew. I have to take a lot of vitamins and taking them all together fills my stomach with a lot of water. I still am not eating sugar, rice or pasta. I do occasionally have a little bread, but not an entire sandwich or anything. I have had wine, and that seems to be fine. I won't be drinking hard liquor or beer for a while. The only thing that bothers me is when I drink too much milk.

Now that it's winter, I am freezing ALL the time. Mostly I feel it in my hands, even though they are the only things on my body that isn't smaller. I feel like I should be wearing gloves all the time.

I think the thing I love the most is how I feel about myself. I feel so much better about me, not just how I look, but my heath as well. I love how much I am improving in my spin class, every class I get stronger and have more endurance. I feel so great being able to work out without pain or feeling like its a wasted effort. I know for sure if I continue to eat well and exercise, I will be the weight I always wanted to be. I have never had that feeling better. I may actually wear a size 12, and be able to go hiking. My dream will come true. I've never been able to say that before and mean it.

New/Old Blog

Well, after a lot of soul searching, I've decided to remove my blog from the paid site and brought it back to blogspot. I am not updating it as often as i'd like, and it turned into work rather then something I enjoyed.

Once upon a time I hoped to get my blog out there to start earning money from it. But I have no idea what I am doing when it comes to websites and technical things, so it just ends up frustrating me. I will continue my journey though this free blog for my own reference and for those who love me enough to read this.

Stallsville

Things are going very well since my surgery. I can eat pretty much anything, still staying away from bread, rice, pasta, sugar, and fibrous veggies. I usually eat a 1/2 cup of food per sitting, sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less. Nothing makes me sick except milk and eggs, I still am drinking lactate milk and doing fake eggs. I still have to catch myself from not chewing enough or taking bites that are too big, because they do get stuck. I haven’t gotten sick or had any bad reactions to anything in three or four weeks.

I am back at work and that’s going well too. Not having any coffee or caffeine only seems to bother me around 2pm, but I generally get a second wind quickly! I did start drinking a little bit of diet Snapple tea (PEACH! yumm) and it has a LITTLE caffeine in it, so it does boost me a little bit, but not enough to dehydrate me.

I have been stalled for about two weeks at a 28lb loss. I know this is normal, and everyone that has this surgery goes through a stall usually around this time, but I am frustrated. I have to keep remembering where I was, and where I am now. I have lost almost 50lbs from my highest weight in December. I haven’t measured myself (I really need to do that) but I know I have lost a lot of inches. I am almost two pant sizes down and I feel great. My energy is starting to come back, and I feel so much better. I am not as winded when I walk up the stairs, and I want to do more, which is my favorite part.

I promised side by side pictures, so I am going to post them now. Even though I haven’t hit my 30lb mark yet, I want to stay positive and remember where I came from!

I am really enjoying how good I feel, not just physically but emotionally charged up. I have never felt so good about myself in my entire life. I have moments where I felt good about myself- once in the summer between 8th and 9th grade when I lost a little weight (I was curvy instead of chubby), once when I came home after my first month at college and I had lost 20lbs (walking everywhere helps), once in the middle of college when I lost 35lbs and got into a size smaller, and now. That isn’t a lot of moments in a my life where I really felt beautiful. But I had a moment this past weekend, wearing the outfit in the picture.

(The first picture is the day before surgery, second is this past weekend)

I came home from work and I was wearing a pair of jeans that fit the week before, and now they were too big. I was able to pull them off without even unbuttoning them, and they were my “skinny” jeans. I was putting another pair if jeans on that fit better and my boyfriend said to me, “Wow, you’ve lost a lot of weight.” I have had a lot of people tell me I look great, I’ve lost weight. But that once sentence from the man I love, who see’s me EVERYDAY really able to notice, really made my week. I feel beautiful, sexy, and confidant. I haven’t felt that way in a really long time. I can’t wait to see what I’ll look like in a month.

More Nyquil please..

I’m sick.

My boyfriend, although I love him dearly, got me sick. Sore throat, cough, congestion, you name it. I haven’t been sick in a long time, and for those who know me, know I am a huge baby when it comes to being sick. The worse part, is I can’t take the medicine I am used to taking because of my surgery. I had to buy liquid tylenol cold, which taking that is almost as bad as being sick. I wish they would make cold medicine taste at least halfway decent. I still can’t sleep because my left incision is bothering me still so I can’t get comfortable. Nate is also sick so he is up most of the night coughing or snoring. So sleep This is not the way I wanted to spend my last week off work. I wanted to have some fun, see my friends, go through all the clothes I have and get rid of stuff. It isn’t really looking to good for me.

Monday I have my appointment with the surgeon, and if all goes well, I go back to work on Tuesday. I am excited to be able to go back to work, so have interaction with people again. As soon as I go back to work I will probably wish to have time off again. It’s a vicious cycle. I think if I were feeling better I would be enjoying my time off more. I mean, its not horrible, I can basically do what I want, but this fucking incision won’t heal correctly and it is really putting a hinder on my life. I can’t move around, I can’t sleep. I have a lot to do before I go back to work and I can’t while I’m in pain.

(Click the photos for recipies)

The good thing is I am eating well, getting all my protein and water in. Thanks to my WONDERFUL brother-in-law, I have a bunch of the best chili ever.So I’ve been eating the chili for lunch for a few days, and its been amazing. It tastes good and it gives me a ton of protein. I was also kind of bad and had a little piece of Nate’s homemade corn bread. It’s basically two things I’m not supposed to have for a few months (bread and corn), but it went down fine, and I didn’t have a bad reaction to it. Nate and I ordered chinese for the first time since my surgery. I got just got pain steamed chicken and chinese veggies with a brown sauce on the side. Since I wasn’t sure of the sugar content of the sauce, I didn’t use very much of it, and it all went down fairly well. It makes me happy that I will still be able to order out and have a normal life.


Lately I haven’t been able to eat in the morning, so I usually have a glass of milk for breakfast. For lunch I usually have leftovers, like today I had salmon with a Dijon mustard sauce, and green beans with italian cheese.

I made the salmon last night, and Nate LOVED it. I didn’t have honey dijon mustard, so I just used regular dijon and added some honey. I sauteed green beans in a little butter, and salt and pepper. Then I took some shredded italian cheese and melted it over the beans. Yum-o.

For dinner, I turned to my favorite TV cook, The Pioneer Woman.

The meat is super tender after it cooks for 3 hours on low. I also add potatoes and carrots at the end to make a full one pot meal. Then I make a gravy out of whatever is left in the pan. It is super DE-lish and perfect for me right now.

I will post more of my recipes!

So far, I have lost 28 pounds since my surgery, and 47 total.

Once I hit the 50 pound mark, I will post some before/after pictures!

Sleep, drink, eat, then repeat

I really should be more on top of this blog. A lot of things have happened that I wanted to document, but honestly I am exhausted most days and I don’t want to do anything.


Thank God for my boyfriend who has helped me SO much since my surgery, and has done everything possible to make me happy. Look at the beautiful flowers he bought me!



Sleeping is a huge issue right now. I LOVE sleeping. I could sleep 10 hours a night and be totally happy. Nate says my super power is I can wake up in the morning and go back to sleep instantly. Not being able to get a full nights sleep is really starting to piss me off.

In the hospital, I could nap anytime, anyplace. I am not sure if it was from the medication or what, but I could just nod off in the middle of a conversation. Ever since I got home, no matter how tired I am, I can’t sleep. I haven’t had a full nights sleep without waking up since I got home from the hospital.

I slept in a recliner for the first few days since it was painful to fully lay down. Nate slept on the couch in the living room with me, because I couldn’t get out of the chair myself. My parents left the Sunday after my surgery, so I started sleeping in the bed most of the night when they left. I had to be propped up by pillows, and I only slept for a few hours there. I would wake up in the middle of the night, walk around, took more medicine, drank some water, then fall asleep in the chair. After about a week I was able to sleep in the bed all night, but I still wake up, and sometimes walk around.

It’s been better lately, and I’ve been able to sleep on my side and even on my stomach, which is a lot more comfortable for me. I think I’ve been sleeping better because I can finally sleep how I am used to sleeping. The only problem is a few days ago, my left stitch, the one I’ve had so much trouble with, opened a bit. Every time I go to sleep it opens again and I have to wash my sheets! I have to start wearing gauze to bed until it fully heals and doesn’t open anymore.

Food has been going well for the most part. In the beginning, I had a really hard time keeping anything down. Everything sounded really gross, and I was nauseous all the time. After having a conversation with my bariatric nurse, we figured out I wasn’t drinking enough water. I thought I was feeling sick because I wasn’t eating, so I would try to force myself to eat. But after realizing I was dehydrated, I worked on getting water in. I have to take small sips, and not drink too fast. I have to stop a half hour before I want to eat, then wait a half hour after I eat. I have tried almost everything on my list of foods I can have for the next 3 or 4 months, and its all gone down pretty well.

I went from the pureed stage right to the last stage, and bypassed the soft food stage. Things were going down so well, I just made sure that I chewed and chewed. I felt that I knew my body and I didn’t need to continue to the third stage. I’ve had ground beef, chicken, fish, shrimp and cheese that all goes down really well. I am still having a hard time with regular milk, yogurt sometimes and real eggs.

I am working hard to try to get 60 grams of protein in a day, which is hard when you can only eat 1/4 of a cup to a 1/2 a cup of food at each meal. I also need to try to get 64oz of liquid in a day, and I don’t count my protein drinks in this. I mostly drink water and diluted juice, and am pretty successful there.

For example, For breakfast today I had egg salad (It seems to be the only way I can have real eggs without it bothering me), for lunch I’ll have white chicken chili, and for dinner probably a greek burger (no bun or anything though.)
1 egg = 7g
white chicken chili= 12g
protein shake = 17g
Greek burger (with feta and yogurt sauce) = 28g

That’s 64 grams of protein. If I can get all that in today, plus another 40oz of water, I will be good to go

I will try to be better about updating the blog! I will post a few pictures next week if I finally get to the 25lb mark